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  • My spirit awoke me this morning, and said, “Hey, man – it’s your birthday! How would you like to spend it?”


    “Yeah, man – this is YOUR day. You name it. Your wish is my command.”

    “O.K. – first things first - how about the day off of work?”

    “Check! Today you get a two-fer – you get to celebrate being a Veteran for a second day, and you get your birthday off, without even having to take personal time. ”

    “Well, that rocks – I’m jammin’ already!”

    “What else?

    “Well, there’s nothing that I really need, and honestly, nothing that I really want. What would be grand, though, would be a day to just be. A day where I have nowhere to go, nowhere to be, but right here, just a laid back day at home.”

    “Check! Your wife has actually already taken care of that part. You have the furnace maintenance guy coming between 8 and 12, the Dryer and Range repairman coming between 1 and 5, and the Gutter Helmet dude coming after 4. All you have to do is let them in to do their thing, and other than that, the day is yours to with what you will. And at the end of it, you’re Furnace will be set for the season, and your Dryer and your Range will work right again, and if the Gutter Helmet dude isn’t completely outrageous, you won’t have to crawl around on your roof anymore cleaning out those gutters.”

    “I’m down with that – although, I really do kind of like the view from up there.”

    “Well, you still have the Christmas lights to put up – I don’t think the Gutter Guard Guy is going to include that in the contract.”


  • “Oh, you know, what I’d really like is to hear from people I know, all over the damn world, people who know me and who I know intimately, and to have a little chat with each and every one of them, and say whatever I feel like saying to them, and just feel their love and good wishes.”

    “Check! As we speak, your Facebook timeline is filling up with Happy Birthday wishes from people you know, and who know you, intimately, from South Africa, Denmark, Iceland, Northern Ireland, France, India, England, Germany, Estonia, France, Maine, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Florida, California, Michigan, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and many, many more places. Feel free to just spend the day answering each and everyone of them, individually if you’d like, and just say whatever the hell you feel like saying to each one. Why not? It’s YOUR day.”

    “Fuckin’ A, Spirit, I think I will. As you say – why the hell not?”
  • “What else?”

    “It’d be great if you could have my son actually call me. He’s all the way out in California, and I just saw him a week ago, and I’ll see him in 4 days, but I really miss the kid – I’m so goddamn proud of him, of him out there, making the dream come true, putting it all on the line, and I’d just like to hear from him. Can you make that happen?”

    “Check! But I must warn you – he might call while you’re in the shower.”

    “No problem – I’ll have the phone in there, just in case.”

    “Well, for someone who didn’t need or want anything, you have asked for a lot. I have come through for you, as usual. There’s still time for one more wish, then I need to get working on all of these requests you’ve made. So…what will it be?

    “Hmmm – oh, I know. How about World Peace, and universal harmony?”

    “You always have had one hell of a sense of humor, Hawkeye! Sorry, I know it’s very un-Spirit-like of me, but I just pissed myself laughing over that one! We were doing so well, there, too!”

    “Well, spirit, nobody’s perfect – but, hey, 4 out of 5 ain’t bad. You’re batting .800. I could use you on my softball team in the spring. Whaddya doin’ come, say, March 15th.”

    “No can do – I’ll still be working on that World Peace request. Besides – I’ve always heard baseball’s kind of boring.”

    “It’s SOFTBALL, and it may be boring to some, but MY teams are NEVER boring. Win or lose, we have drama, excitement, and midnight ramble recaps, and STATS!”

    “O.K. – I’ll think about it. With all the stress that World Peace Project is bound to cause me, I may need the outlet. Who you got playin’ Shortstop?”

    “YOU, man!”

    “O.K. – and, by the way – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
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