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  • I feel like the past 3 months of my life were wasted.. My highest priority was getting a girlfriend, and I didn't exactly accomplish what I wanted to. But I feel this is a step forward for me, realizing that looking for a relationship is a complete waste of time in my life right now. So that is why I am giving up. I am giving up trying to find somebody to care for and to care for me.

    I am tired of all the pain it has been causing me. It sucks. I feel like I am not myself, that I am always sad and such. I seriously hate getting my hopes up, truly believing that this one will work out, this one will turn out to be what I want it to be. But to no avail. My hopes get crushed. My self esteem shrinks, and keeps shrinking. So I am going to stop actively trying to find a girl.

    But that is not the only reason. There are two others that have led me to this point. One of which is because I am a beta, and girls usually don't like beta's. My best friend is one hell of an alpha, and he can get a girl if he wants, just because he is alpha.

    The second of which is more hurt-inducing, so to speak, than the other reasons. There is a girl in my school, the sister of the girl who sits next to me, who I have liked in the recent past. Let's just call her "A". Her sisters warned me about her, multiple times. But I did not listen. Firstly, I got hurt when I thought she liked me just a little more than as a friend, but it turned out that she didn't even value my friendship. A couple of days ago, I "flirted" with a girl who is very cute, and I sincerely thought that she was good for me, that we would be good together. Let's call her "B". But as soon as A found out that I kind of liked B, A told B that she should never go out with me. A ruined my chances with B, and she will probably ruin my chances with any girl in my school...

    So that is why I am surrendering. Surrendering to the fact that I am probably not going to get a girlfriend in the near future. It hurts a lot to accept that fact. It hurts quite bad... But I know it is what needs to happen.

    pic semi-unrelated, my friend made it, and it kinda fits to my situation
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