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  • I used to look to my empty side and imagined someone else from my past. I used to walk around town, all by myself and see nothing wrong with it. It was natural being alone. It was normal. I used to.

    Sometimes I would look to my side and see you there walking next to me, driving next to me, talking next to me, and be... well, surprised for a little bit. It's an astonishing thought to have someone, that used to be a complete stranger, be by your side, and mean something to you now; when for the longest time you were so used to walking alone, driving alone, talking well to no one. They are a part of your life, they are special to you, and it all happened so naturally that when you look at them from time to time, you are surprised by how close you two have gotten, but also glad.

    It's always hard for me to hear about one of my friends going through a heartbreak. It's always hard for me because I truly know how they feel. Wounds are hard to heal, especially when it's the type of hurt that cannot be healed by medicine and the type of void that can't be replaced by just anything. It gives you more appreciation to why people constantly sing and write about sappy love songs, because no matter how much we talk about, write about, or sing about. It's something untouchable, and only you yourself will know how it feels. I realized that what gets you through those hard times, is not pity from other people or yourself, it's not the constant, "Everything will be ok" from others, or the love that others give you, but its something you have to realize for yourself. Is the realization and need to be better, it's not the love from others, but the love you have for yourself. It is hard to love another person, but it's even harder to truly love yourself. It's truly wise, that saying, "How can anyone love you, when you don't even know how to love yourself."

    I believe that's what got me through it all. Daring to love myself. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I stopped letting the emptiness take over my life. The first time I imagined something better for myself, it was the true beginning of my healing process.

    I truly feel blessed. That my healing process was aided by someone special. Not a lot of people can say they went through a terrible heartbreak, dying to cope with it, and...had someone to help them. Now I look to my side and I see you. Familiarity. Somehow you feel right, next to me. Somehow I no longer look to my side, see you and feel surprised, but comforted that you are still there. Somehow I feel like we are apart of a team. I know I have truly healed. I know this because I look to my side and I can expect you there, not hope you are there. You feel like a more permanent part of my life, the corner piece of the puzzle that I couldn't notice was missing before but is the very important piece to complete my complicated puzzle.

    For those of you that are hurting right now, that don't know how to deal. Trust me I know how you feel, but it's important not to cut yourself short, the future is vast and mysterious, but that's the beauty of it. You won't see it coming, but once something great comes, it will feel better than you will expect, and you will end up feeling ridiculous about letting yourself drown in that pain for so long.
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