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  • So. This day. The plans have been different and then they changed more or less brutally. The determinant factor was when I found out that Cowbird had opened it's registration. I did not wait two seconds to register and to decide to write my first Cowbird today. So. That's how it all started. This is the first time that I'm an active writer on Cowbird. The thing I find most inspiring about Cowbird is also what I consider the most scary, that people who knows the power of writing share honset and emotional impacts from their daily life beings. And also they share them with... eh, like whoever! I want to be a part of it and simultaneously one of my greatest obstacles is resting in me opening up. Now I'm here and there is a possibility that there's no turning back.

    This morning I was sittning in a specific bed waiting for a specific person wondering how I should introduce myself in this Cowbird forum which has been following me for about six months. It has inspired me and it has given me joy. Most of all Cowbird has touched my emotions in a way I'm not used to, especially in the humming world of internet where everything is about sorting out what's really important.

    Well. This is so typically me, to float away from the subject I really want to talk about. Let's get this started: My thoughts during this specific morning was to make my first Cowbird kickoff at my daily life job situation and to discharge in a reasoning about that the most important thing is that I always accept and love myself no matter which one of my variations I might show up. That subject changed in a moment that was honest and brutal (might return though).

    The weather today has been fantastic. Lund (a south of Sweden city) has delivered a sunny autumn day in which me and a specific person decided to have Indian lunch outside. Sweet delicate things seem to discharge in sweet delicate things and today the sun meeting the autmn leaves (and other magic things) discharged in a conversation that lasted for several hours (to be continued) about some of the wavy feelings that have been visiting us the last ten years. A small bite of who we really are.

    And I just want to have more. In one way I want to eat the steak in one gulp but I know that this conversation is something that is eaten in small bites. It will stay in our mouths longer than taste usually stays there. It will be heartily chewed and not swallowed until it's ready to be swallowed. And if it shows up that it wasn't ready to be swallowed we'll just throw it up and process it again.

    I love this.
    I feel afraid.
    I feel safe.
    I know that I'm capable of holding my hand whatever happens.

    This day has discharged in a lot of things and it has left a lot of things untold, waiting for the future. One outcome is a text I just sent to my father:

    "Hi dad. I want to tell you that I admire you and respect you. I'm glad about who I am and in many ways I'm a reflection of who you are. Love, Hanna"
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