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  • My Dearest T,

    First, you may be wondering why I'm sending you a card with a purple unicorn on it. The short answer would be that purple is my favorite color and unicorns are awesome, but the extended answer is a little more complicated than that. But before I get into that, Happy New Year! Hard to believe it's been over a year since your thanksgiving trip to Portland. Congrats on surviving 2011; I know it hasn't necessarily been a great year for either of us, and it seemed as though it threw everything it had at you especially. But you're still standing. We'll continue on. Both of us always do. If you end up moving to Vermont, I hope your time there will be filled with many good memories!

    Now, back to the purple unicorn. And my bed. Because really purple unicorns are about my bed. Remember all those times that you would occupy my bed in college and try to force me to sleep with you? Or when you would talk about the beautiful, globally aware, multi-lingual, intelligent T/Bakes children we would someday have? Sorry to break it to you, but that is not going to happen.

    You're probably thinking to yourself right now, "yes it will, you'll get over your asexual lifestyle someday and then you'll be all mine." T, I've never been asexual. When it comes to my bed though, I prefer sharing it with purple unicorns. Purple unicorns as in other men. Other naked men. Perhaps other naked men with purple rubbers on their horn. But that is getting into way too many details right now.

    Purple unicorns are pretty awesome, aren't they? Happy New Year! Talk soon!

    Your friend,

    J.R. Bakes
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