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  • Yesterday we found out that my aunt's colon cancer has resurfaced at full force.

    The doctor, medicine & chemo have done all they could for her. The nurse is now recommending a hospice. We do not know how much longer now, but she feels it. She knows she is going soon and wants to spend a little more time with us.

    My mom and I went to visit her in the evening to help distract her of her thoughts. She didn't look good. She has slowly withered away, the cancer deteriorating her body and spirit. She didn't look anything as I have always remembered her. Her hair always dyed a rich brown, make up and a radiant face full of advice, warmth and joy pulled together with one of her many jewelry sets.

    She was none of that now.

    In an effort to help distract her of things, we asked her to show us all of her jewelry collections and she happily agreed. She took out her little jewelry drawers, one by one, and slowly unfolding each necklace, tracing every ring and really observing each item. She had a story for each one. Talking in slow breaths she retold her memories to us.

    Then came a mood ring.
    I caught her saying "Este es para mi sobrina Veronica."
    This is for my niece Veronica.


    Time went slower now and I watched her put it on her finger first, the color read grey. A true grey was her mood at the moment. She then gave it to my mom and my mom's color was brown: rethinking, anticipation.

    Then my mom gave it to me and as I held it in my hand, the only thing I could think of was the meaning of those colors.
    What did grey mean?

    In a mood ring, grey means waiting, cooler, distant, giving up, tired, pessimistic, forsaken, sad, stressed, afraid and paranoid.

    I guess this is the mood of cancer.

    She does know.

    Now, we just wait.
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