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  • Why isn't a self-cooked candlelight dinner with wine just what one might think it is?
    Why did YOU - yes, it was really YOUR idea, not mine - do all this stuff and then didn't show one single tiny sign that you feel the same way for me than I do for you?
    As much as I loved to finally be with you again, after months of indirect, unfulfilling messaging, this evening became more and more unbearable for my highbeating heart which you seemed not a single bit to notice.

    Why am I and why aren't you?

    What was it more than a big "too little", nestling between two long, firm hugs, even-handedly hopeful and hopeless?

    And now all that is left in my mind is your confident appearance, your style, your hat and your scarf, and how you deal with all these wonderful things like partnership, sexuality and love every day but at the same time keep them so far away from our shared evening, hidden somewhere in the wellguarded depths of your always working mind.
    But what is stuck deepest in my head are your unbelievably strong facial expressions, how you move your mouth while speaking to me, so uniquely being yourself that I have no clue how to get along with that.
    And at the end you gave me this playful wink, after an evening without any clear signs you hugged me so long and firmly and dipped your eyelash only slightly, nearly too slightly to give it any deeper meaning, but enough to never get you out of my head again.
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