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  • Just a fragment of a dream jolted me awake, after I had dozed back off for half an hour. I’d woken earlier, 2:30, couldn’t get back to sleep, so was sleepwalking my way through the new Cowbird, still trying to find my way in the fog. I’m freaking lost right now. Not just there. My compass is seriously off true. The rate and pace of change in my life has just reached a fever pitch. Cowbird has been my anchor through all of the other changes going on in my life, my safe haven. The sudden and unexpected upheavel of my safe haven has thrown me into currently lost place. Sleepwalking.

    I know, I know. I have been preaching “embrace the change, look at what’s new, you can re-order things the way they were – sort of”. And that’s all true. Doesn’t change the fact that I am freaking lost.

    Work is seriously out of kilter right now. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Change is sweeping in again, and this time, I just don’t feel ready for it. I lost so much time over the summer, there, and I am way behind the 8 ball. I’m o.k. with that – I had good reason to lose time there. I was where I needed to be. But, I still feel like I am flat out running to catch a train that’s pulling away from me and leaving me behind at the station.

    I have a month’s worth of work that I have to get done in the next 8 days, and we’re going away for two of those, so that leaves me with 6. I want to be excited about our upcoming vacation, but I can’t see past the dread of not getting done what I need to get done before we go.

    And Cowbird is unrecognizable to me. My safe haven. It has messed with my story-teller mojo. I just don’t even know where to begin when I sit down to tell a tale, now. Everything is jumbled up in my brain.

    Well, the dream gave me something to write about. It was just a brief flash – a feeling – a feeling of panic. A sense of too much. I was in a house – in the dream, it was Mom’s house. But, you know how those things are, it wasn’t her house as I know it, it was some older place, but it was known to be her place, in the dream. I went into the bathroom, and saw the bathtub about to overflow, and remembered that I had left the water running sometime ago. Damn it! I quickly looked around to make sure it hadn’t flooded. It hadn’t. But, it was a close call. I turned the water off. Then, I woke up.

    I will be in meetings all day long, with only a break for lunch, when I have to try to put a training paper together. So much to do – so little time. I need to remember how to “fold time”.

    I miss my old Cowbird.
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