Forgot your password?

We just sent you an email, containing instructions for how to reset your password.

Sign in

  • It is not enough to have ideas, thoughts and dialog constantly chatter and chase around inside my head. Even when I close my eyes and try to still my brain to shut everything out, the movement continues.

    Blobby shapes, some roundly fat, others hairily thin, are constantly morphing and pulsating under my eyelids; red, orange, brown and deep purple floaties drift around in my shut down field of vision, over and over, slowly dancing.

    When I move my eye, some move with it, following my vision awareness just on its edge. Sometimes I can focus on them enough to imagine I am seeing my own blood cells or even smaller particles of me -- close up and personal.

    Even in total dark, I see them until I finally drift off to sleep.

    It keeps my brain going even when I just want it to stop and give it a rest and see completely nothing. Like being chemically high and not being able to get down on my own, I cannot quit. I cannot control this lava lamp in my head.

    Is it a curse or a blessing? Am I alone in it?

    Or is it just my reality check that I am still alive?
    • Share

    Connected stories:

About

Collections let you gather your favorite stories into shareable groups.

To collect stories, please become a Citizen.

    Copy and paste this embed code into your web page:

    px wide
    px tall
    Send this story to a friend:
    Would you like to send another?

      To retell stories, please .

        Sprouting stories lets you respond with a story of your own — like telling stories ’round a campfire.

        To sprout stories, please .

            Better browser, please.

            To view Cowbird, please use the latest version of Chrome, Safari, Firefox, Opera, or Internet Explorer.