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  • bracelet number one...
    the first bracelet i remember at fifteen and thinking about it now i should have felt ashamed of myself for the way i acted so childishly. while other teenage girls were giggling about boys and worrying about what to wear and experimenting with make up, i was working for a racehorse trainer and coming home smelling like horse manure (but at least it kept me out of trouble). up at the crack of dawn i would be at the cheltenham racecourse riding joe and leading the thoroughbreds back after their work outs. During year ten i was offered the oppportunity to lease a horse called george. technically i did not own him but paid for his upkeep, an arrangement that suited my parents and kept me happy as they could not afford to buy me my own. he was the love of my teenage life. strong, solid, secure but completely gentle with get up and go. i adored him, felt safe with him and even experienced my first ever orgasm riding him, (although at the time i had no idea what it was, just that it felt good) and that is true... when i first began looking after george he was a scrawny, skinny undernourished specimen, an ex pacer with heavily scarred back legs from an accident. but to me he was simply wonderful and he and i spent all of our spare time together. he lived out at regency park which now has been developed, but once upon a time it use to be endless paddocks that served to agist horses inexpensively. with my trainers blessing i gave up my racetrack job which i did for free in exchange for riding lessons and began the care of george. i saved my lunch money, rode my bike and got up early sunday mornings to ride him home along the streets of adelaide, which is something you would rarely see now. well you may be wondering what a bracelet must have to do with this story. well a lot actually. i had done such a good job of taking care of george and nursing him back to health that the owner decided to sell him. of course he offered george to me but my parents couldn't afford to buy him; back in those days two hundred and fifty dollars was a lot of money. i told my mum if i can't have george i did not want anything else for my birthday. i was adamant and repeated this consistently. of course when my birthday arrived, no george but a velour box that contained a gold plated bracelet with my name engraved upon it which i proceeded to throw on the ground with a tantrum worthy of an oscar performance. i was devastated and cried for days, even overhearing my parents thinking of ways that they could buy him for me because i had made them feel guilty, but that did not eventuate. i was heartbroken for a long time. in fact i loved horses so much at that particular point in my youth that i was nick named horse at school. little did i know back then the connection between infatuation of horses and one's blossoming sexuality because at fifteen i had a body which i paid very little attention. in my scheme of things that sort of thing never interested me at the time...
    bracelet number two...
    bracelet number two was given to me by my mother for my twenty first birthday. it was a bracelet that i picked out myself, simple, silver and beautiful. my mum had it engraved for me and i wore it all the time. i lost that bracelet, well actually i left it behind which is probably just as well because it would have just served as a reminder of my naiveness. i left it in darwin on a humid saturday night on the ledge of a pool at a house of someone i did not know. a house that i had been lured to with the promise of a party that never was. all i can tell you is that he was an older man. an older man who shared my fathers christian name and smoked peter stuyvesant cigarettes. a croatian fisherman who told me that he had worked in port lincoln which meant nothing to me at the time because i had never been there. a croatian fisherman who vaguely reminded me of my father for some weird reason but who was nothing like him at all apart from the masculine bravado. that experience proved humiliating and degrading but it never stopped me from seeking adventure and doing what i wanted. it didn't stop me from being a free spirit it just stopped me from being emotionally present. i never really understood that until now...he did tell me i had beautiful eyes. he was right about that. my eyes are beautiful and they now see beyond that ugliness. they say that jewellery retains your energy so i really am not sorry i left that bracelet behind.
    bracelet number three...
    bracelet number three was given to me by my children's father. i returned from an adelaide trip. i visited my family as often as possible because i was intent on maintaining our family bond for both me and our sons. i did not want them going to adelaide not knowing who my family was and for me being brought up with a croatian cultural background, family is a big deal. a deal that my former partner could never embrace or understand. i was given that bracelet and have to admit i was totally surprised. so surprised that he thought i didn't like it because i was just taken aback and really didn't know what to say. it was a beautiful bracelet, a troll bead one just like those pandora bracelets. it had a gorgeous clasp, it was silver and had some lovely beads which he had help choosing. i don't know why i wasn't enamoured with that bracelet. he kept asking me if i liked it. it was also one of those bracelets you could keep adding on to and certainly not inexpensive which was unusual for him. that bracelet was really a guilt gift when i think about it now and the story goes... i actually lost it. i lost it because i never wore it all the time and i guess that is why he probably thought i didn't like it. i lost it but have no regrets. i just wasn't meant to have it. and after i left him i got rid of all the jewellery he bought me because i felt like i just wanted to start afresh and didn't want any negative energy. so i took a leaf out of ellin woods book and donated it to the salvos because it just didn't feel right to give it someone that i knew. even though one piece i liked i felt someone else would appreciate its beauty.and now i just wear my own bracelets and those which were given to me by two of my gorgeous friends. one silver bracelet i bought in flagstaff, arizona and it has the story of the sun god etched into it. the other silver one comes from northern thailand, both are mementoes of my travels. the other ones are pretty and colourful. i often get asked why i wear so many. i guess i just feel naked without them but really i just simply like them...
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