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  • My insomnia comes in waves.
    Normally I swim through it easily by reading novels until about 2am when I can just about tide in some sleep.
    Occasionally, I get hit by a tsunami.
    No book can save me.
    I have to bring out the greater stuff, ER on my laptop is my life boat.
    In Norwich I would get ahead with essays, clean the kitchen, go and listen to Miles Davis in the lounge,
    or leave the house in my pyjamas
    and drink tea, sitting cross legged on the floor of my neighbour's flat;
    he was a nearing 40 year old artist who lived on coffee and cigarettes,
    and also found himself awake at night.

    Living in Sevenoaks in a house of 3 other people who all have one of these job things and therefore don't like to be disturbed by boiling kettles, I am stuck in my room, drowning in insomnia.
    I plug in headphones so noise can not be heard.
    I watch episode after episode.
    There is a new doctor at County General as a beloved character leaves.
    Dr Carter says farewell to Chicago as he moves to Paris with the woman he loves.
    The sun rises above the Seine as they look out the window of the metro.
    They are lucky.

    All is not lost, enter Ray Barnett, my new love.
    Toying between being in a rock band or being a doctor, he is undoubtedly cool.
    I mean look at him, chiselled jaw, blood war paint (a bacolny party over 5 levels has collapsed and Ray is saving the night), taking charge, being a man.
    A excellent mix of creativeness and intellect.
    A man who can seize the day.
    Yes, I want that.
    Protect me. Love me.

    When this series was first broadcast, I was still at school. I hadn't even done GCSE's by then. But come Thursday mornings my fellow ER loving friend and I would rush in from the Wednesday night viewing and discuss Dr Barnett's air time.
    We would both swoon.
    And get told off for talking throughout morning registration.

    I would happily be taken out by a man like this.
    It was not just formed from fictional chracters.
    I started to wonder if I was given the proposition of a date type situation by someone else then would I take it.
    Surely if the answer was yes, then was I really into him?

    It was still dark, I had at least another episode on this disk and all of side B to watch before an acceptable time to get up arose.
    Several hours of thinking to do.
    I turned up the volume on my headphones over the tapping of a woodpecker's beak on the window.
    One thing was for certain; I could fold up the piece of my heart that belonged to Dr Carter and wave it goodbye.
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