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  • Sometime ago I wrote to one of my sisters that I had vividly remembered a day many decades ago, when she and I had taken a long walk through a clear and crisp winter day in our little Northern German town. That afternoon we had had the most intimate and wonderful talk. She was 12 years old then and I was 16. We talked about love and life and most of all about the meaning it might all have. That day I realized that she, Claudia, was not my "little sister" anymore, but a searching soul - just as I was.

    About a year later, when my first boy - friend left me, Claudia offered me to slap my boy - friend in the face, if that would do my broken heart any good. I did not want her to slap him, but her offer was balm on my wound, I felt her love and concern for me.

    Many, many years later I sat and folded clothes fresh out of the dryer together with her eldest daughter, my niece Katharina Katharina. I was visiting from Mexico. It was the one time I started to get into an aunt - niece - relationship with Katharina. A few months later she died. My sister changed her life, became a well - known teacher for hospice - care with a very busy life, in which - it seems - I do not have a place anymore.

    I also remembered a situation with my sister Gaby. Also many decades ago one day we booked a flight to England. We were in our early twenties and lived together in a small community. Returning from the travel agency to the subway station in the center of Hamburg, a young man walked in front of us. We watched him and caught each other having the exact same and long train of thoughts inspired by the shirt or walking style of that young man. I do not remember what exactly about him set off the associations in our minds, neither can I recall the train of thoughts. Our synchronicity was amazing and it was a wonderful moment of feeling the deep connection between us.

    I also wrote Gabi about this memory.

    Neither one of my sisters has answered my messages.

    I am sad.

    There never was a huge fight or conflict, nevertheless I perceive a huge distance between us, much wider than the Atlantic Ocean that divides Europe from Mexico.

    I have not found the word that might bridge the abyss.

    Maybe I have to learn to embrace the world with my sisters in it and just keep quiet and silent - letting go of all words......

    Art by Kiki (Embracing The Whole World)

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