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  • This morning during my practice, I stretched my arms over my head and the thought came to me, as I lifted my eyes in the direction of my chest, that all want is the desire to purify longing.

    I've been thinking about desire lately from a friendlier angle of allowance, curiosity. This perspective comes after years of driving myself into a fury chasing notions of fulfillment, justifying certain unassailable wishes. I have long struggled to make peace with that which squeezes my throat chakra to produce something. I have conceptualized myself thoroughly as a sometimes put-upon, sometimes noble engine of urges not entirely of my making.

    But these days, I find myself in relationship. Want and I are enmeshed on such a fundamental level, the closest I can come to harmony is by letting it overtake me, that wild brute with whom I am so familiar. I bare my organs to be bitten, and they are delicious. Almost holy, nibbled.

    Of course, I am also responsible for the carpet, the bloody aftermath, the dishwasher. If relationship is freeing, it is not without sensitivity to ownership, exchange. Balance can't even be protected it is so dynamic. Only the muscles for holding an axis might be steadied, fingers pointing toward no faroff heaven, the heart glowing.
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