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  • I have a game I play in my head if I get bored on my daily BART rides: I look around the train to see if anyone resembles a celebrity or someone I know. It usually leads nowhere but occupies my mind for 30 or so seconds, but today I saw an old balding man who looked exactly like Karl Rove sitting across from a woman who had a double-take-worthy resemblance to someone I dated several years ago. As I watched the two politely ignoring each other, I wondered what a conversation between that ex and Karl Rove would sound like.

    "Hi, I'm a giant jerk channeling the ghost of Richard Nixon," Rove would lead.

    "Nice to meet you, I claim to be an artist but it's really just a lifestyle I picked to match my wardrobe," ex would say.

    "Interesting, do you have any recent pieces?" Here Rove would push his glasses up the bridge of his nose and cross his arms.

    Ex would think for a moment. "Well I used Photoshop to alter the brightness and contrast settings of a few pictures I found on Facebook." She would pull her phone out and try to bring them up. "I'm surprised you didn't hear, I talk about them constantly."

    "Excelsior," Rove would reply, his jowls vibrating as he nodded vigorously (sidebar: I decided Karl Rove uses "excelsior" in this way). "We'll have to exchange numbers, I need someone to make fliers for the Asshole Appreciation Parade I'm trying to organize." He would glance out the window with a measured, narcissistic disinterest. "It's going to be really loud and start at 3AM on a Tuesday night to really drive the 'Asshole' part home."

    "That sounds great!" Ex would look up from her phone in amazement. "My snoring has been compared to a rusty chainsaw driving a box truck with a faulty muffler, so this sounds right in line with my interests."

    It's always great to see a new friendship form on the train, and in this case, even better (or at least more fun) to imagine one.
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