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  • I know it doesn't matter what others think in the grand scheme of things. I know how I feel and what I know, in my mind are the truest things - good, bad or indifferent. Maybe I don't have all the right answers, or make the best decisions. So what if I was never good enough, or made that much of an impression after all. Perhaps I shouldn't have been mad and upset at the end but rather just turned my cheek, been greatful for the gesture....whatever kind of gesture it was? But like anyone I had a breaking point. And believe me it is not so easy to get to that point. So I found a flaw in your plan, your grand idea of...you? (shrug) And maybe I shouldn't have said it out loud? Even if it was in the nicest, most tackful way possible, but you asked me and I wasn't about to stop telling the truth now. You needed to hear it from someone...I was just the unfortunate soul who had to tell you, had to say it out loud for you to really take a deeper look at yourself. And I won't blow smoke up your bum just so you can suck the good and positive energies out of me. I don't know how I managed to last as long as I did, listening to all the self absorbed yammering. I thought you were strong, but you were so weak. I thought you were smart, but little by little you showed just how clueless you really were. I thought you were a grown mature adult, but you crumbled like a little baby, jealous over some one elses good fortune. Obsessing over and over and over and over all the same stuff - All the hang ups and self disappointments and self pity and poor self image and lack of will and lack of trust and lack of love and lack of faith, but worst of all... lack of you. You talked about the kind of person you want to be, how you want to make an impression, how you want to help others and give something back, yet your limitations (which we all have our own, don't get me wrong), and fear of really being you was your down fall. So many times I just wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake you silly!! Scream out, "wake up you fool! You're life is passing you by every single moment, and this is all you can complain about - the very thing you loath and judge about others? This is the best you can do?" ...(shaking head) ...if you can't love you, then why do you care if I do? If you can't find ALL the ways to love you, then why ask me ALL the ways I love you? You've know idea how exhausting it was trying to build you up week after week. It felt like a broken record! If after all this time, you can't? Then I won't.
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