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  • I have been in a few relationships over the years. Some serious, some simply silly and some that didn't make any sense at all. In a few, I did say I love you. I think a huge part of that was because they said it to me and I felt the need to return the gesture, even though I didn't really know what it really meant or what is should have felt like. I have said it before, but the times where I did are kind of a blur to me. I think at those times I didn't really understand how powerful that word is, and i thought it was just something i should say to make the other person happy. It wasn't as if I didn't care or feel for them- I just didn't love them.

    It was only last year that I really fell in love with someone. It is something that I think about every day, whether I see him or not.

    We go to school together and have so much in common. Usually, having a lot in common is something that creates a good match between people. For some reason, the fact that we have so much in common seems to be why we dont always get along. I felt like i could talk to him about anything and not be judged for voicing my opinions or treated like a "bitch" when i tried to make a point. I felt like he understood me, and i understood him.

    He is the kind of person who finds things that he is passionate about, and pursues those things no matter what the people around him think. He reads and writes and thinks deeply about the things in his life, which is something that is really hard to find in people. He loves music, and good music as well.

    I like to think of myself as a fairly realistic and logical person. I knew that I was in love with him when i started to think completely irrationally and insanely when i was around him. It was like my body has taken on a mind of its own and i was standing outside of it watching myself make a complete fool of myself. I was helpless to stop it.

    I literally sounded like I had the IQ of a piece of toast when i spoke to him. When i saw him, my stomach would be playing pinball in my body just to remind me how useless it was to try and be normal around him.

    After a while, it became very obvious that he would never feel the way i did, and it was not something that i was able to come to terms with. I mean, how are you supposed to simply admit that the person you are completely and utterly in love with will never love you back? What are you supposed to do? just give up?

    When you feel so strongly about someone, its not possible to move forward and never look back, because they will always be a part of you.

    He made a mark on me that can never be healed or un-done. And while it hurts that he doesn't feel the same way about me, i wouldn't ever go back.

    I love him, and i always will.
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