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  • We wish for things, practical things, like a new car, and less practical things, like a knight in shining armor to ride in and rescue us from whatever dragons are impeding our ability to get what we want. I wish lately to go back in time and take back trust. I told someone something in secrecy, a personal dilemma. They stomped on that trust and used that secret to enhance their position in the good old boy network of the executive suite.

    Today I stamped my feet because he broke a confidence several months ago, and I cannot turn back time and fix the damage he has caused. I continue to work on his team, in fact, to bolster his position, knowing that my life at work can never be the same. He is unhurt and undamaged, and today, for some reason, it pisses me off. But I am taught to accept things the way they are, and I do normally. In this case, I have not expressed my outrage or my disgust or my disappointment other than that first time when I asked him directly if he maligned me. He did admit it and apologized, and I accepted. What else could I do? But with that action, I gave up the ability to remain outraged, which is a good thing ultimately, or at least over the long haul. But today, it's a burr under my saddle.

    Then why do I keep longing to see him punished in some cosmic and humiliating way? Maybe if I accept the changed nature of the topography at work due to this transgression against my person, I can stop longing for retribution by the hands of God or a reasonable facsimile.

    We can never be happy with our lot in life until we accept things as they REALLY are, not as we long them to be. This acceptance with the facts of our life and our ability to make changes in them is the truth. We put our truth on the table without a thought or fear of the consequences. This keeps us emotionally honest and real... however much that is possible. Longing for things to change without doing anything about it but longing for it is stupid and pointless. But I do it anyway.
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