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  • It's been a while since I had a working phone, so using reliable gps is still a little crazy to me. I took the wrong exit just as the sun was coming up, and promptly turned myself around to get back on the highway, only to be passed by police cars that are zooming by me, moments later.

    A little further up the road, I see it. There's a two-door that's found its way under a mack truck -- one of those big sixteen wheelers that pick up hitchhikers and go cross-country. The smoke and skid marks are still fresh. The cop cars -- growing in number as I pass, are lined up behind it. There're enough cops there, and I'm sure the ambulances will be there soon, I quickly figure. I barely slow down, not even thinking about it. Cops make me nervous, anyway; I'm always either in the way or in trouble. A couple of minutes later I'm wondering what would've happened if I hadn't stopped the times that I did along the road, what would've happened if I hadn't taken the wrong exit and killed a few minutes getting back on the highway. Would I have seen the driver dozing off? Would I have honked to get his attention? What if I was the first person on the scene? Would I have known what to do? Are there passengers? Was it the truck's fault? If I was there a little earlier, would it have been my car sandwiched between the asphalt and the truck? Would it have been my blood coming out over the dash, leaking out onto the ground and mixing with glass?

    I'm sorry, driver. I'm sorry that we both chose to drive at an hour that hardly anyone chooses to drive at. I'm sorry it took me so long to get here -- for the stop I made at the rest stop in Delaware, for the extra few minutes I took before I left my house last night. I'm sorry I don't understand how my gps works and got lost. I'm sorry I wasn't a couple minutes earlier. I'm sorry that I didn't stop and passed you by. I'm sorry it was you and not me. I'm sorry for all the people who are going to say, "everything happens for a reason." I'm sorry that I'm just going to keep this memory inside, and that you're going to live on, grouped together with the rest of my regret and ill feeling. I'm sorry that I'm going to continue my existence the way that I am, completely oblivious to who you are -- that I'm never really going to be able to fully appreciate what it means in life to be me and not you tonight.
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