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  • I sit here, looking at the white paper not finding the words for my feelings, not finding the words to say what my body is trying to let others see. Maybe a white paper would be enough, the right thing.

    I keep looking from the paper to the cloudy sky (oh, sweet rain, where are you?) and I’ve decided that well… don’t expect a nice written or ordered thing, for I’m just gonna write what comes out of me.

    I’m fed up. I’m fed up of gray buildings and no trees. I’m fed up of little spaces and not seeing the blue of the sea or the green of the valley or just an infinite prairie or a high mountain or loads of flying birds. I’m fed up of the so called civilization.

    The Lakhota and other tribes are trying to buy Pe’Sla. To buy their own territory. Wait, I used the word own?! But we cannot own it!!!!! The family who owned the land is selling it out and now the people who wanna buy it want "development" there... and they want to pave it and make a road and so on... meanwhile the Lakhota try to get it back. Get back something that should have never been taken. I'm so angry about that!!!!!!!!!

    We call ourselves civilized but we don't know how to respect the land and the Earth that gives us life... We don't know how to take care of the trees that give us air for breathing, and we pollute the water that we have to drink!! We don’t know how to respect animals. We don’t knoe how to respect ourselves. And we call ourselves civilized?! And it is called development?! So… what is development? Concrete? Pollution? Hunger? Money? Disrespect? Being mean? Having to be perfect? Why is it so bad to be a bit different? Why is it so bad to age that we have to wear creams and make up to disguise it?? Well if that's development and civilization... I don't wanna belong to it!!! I don’t wanna be a part of it anymore!!! F*** it off!!!!

    And then, leaving the little cozy degrowth flat… going back to the village. No more gulls flying around and accidentally coming inside while you’re lying on the sofa. No more doves coming in to say hello. I’ll miss their sound. I’ll miss the freedom. I will, again, get tired of shouts and insults. Of bad words. I’ll grow fed up again. And I’ll miss those doves and I’ll miss the sweet rain. And I’ll be back eating not because I’m hungry but because I have to. I’ll be back to wearing the smile as a disguise. A disguise to sedate pain, to sedate sadness, to sedate anger. But I know it will fine, cause I’m doing that only with the purpose of finding innocent love stories, your bright smile, your eyes, your life, looking for you.

    I wish there was peace everywhere and people would be nice to each other… not in a polite insincere way… but truthfully.

    I’m this, I’m that. Always under a label. I don’t like labels. I hate them. I’m not what they say. I’m not what people want me to be. I am. And that’s enough. All we have to do is to be!

    Sometimes, I just don’t know where I do belong to anymore…

    It was raining! Finally!!! I put my shoes on and run outside! I stopped and took my shoes off. I run barefoot on the wet grass and on the brown mud, under the rain. I climbed a tree and jumped on the grass. I walked between the branches of the peking willows. I felt the wind blowing, caressing me. I felt the sweet drops of rain. I laughed and I cried. THAT was medicine!
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