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  • The Jehovah's witnesses caught me at a weak moment...

    The whole situation is sadly pathetic and yet comical.

    Too many things were going terribly wrong at one time. My ability to continue to live independently was in serious danger and that depressed the heck out me.. my grown daughter was having terrible things happen in her life and not responding well and my concern for her was overwhelming. I can't even remember what else was going wrong at that time but I was so sick from stress that I was actually vomiting on a daily basis. Now add into the equation the fact that I have complex PTSD along with which comes a very real element of suicidal tendencies.

    I knew I was sinking below the line of being O.K. too... my counselor and I had gone over that..and, yes, I had thought of how I would do it. Technically, I knew I was supposed to call her but I know what happens next. A trip to mental health intake department of local hospital.. been there, done that, didn't want to go there again. I was lucky the first time and got out with a promise I would get counsel and I didn't want to take the chance of NOT getting out that easy a second time.

    How does this happen anyway? I kid with my boyfriend, who is a self-proclaimed cynic, that I am an Eternal Optimist. Suicide and Optimism don't really mesh all that well together but that is the mixed bag I get to deal with.

    Anyways, I digress. I was at a very weak time and a knock came at the balcony door. There they were, a swarthy middle aged man in a suit and his young innocent wing-girl in a fringed skirt not unlike what Pocahontas may have worn back in the day. They did their bit, I felt so vulnerable and needed help so badly, needed hope and there they were promising a utopia here on earth to believers.. I said, yes, yes, yes to stuff I really did not buy into, all because I needed someone to lift me out of a dark moment. Which they did and I actually am quite grateful. I even posted their words of encouragement on the fridge; "Stay strong and endure until the end."

    Now comes the next bit.. they keep returning. Like stray cats that have been fed. I have gotten stronger, enough to say I prefer to stick with my own chosen beliefs but now I feel I am viewed as a challenge. A conquest of sorts and it feels like a lack of respect and so the bloom is off the rose and I dread when they will show up next.

    The whole thing is somewhat laughable.. but also quite embarrassing. The type of thing I won't tell my boyfriend .. and I tell him everything..

    But not this time..

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