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  • Oh food, you are looking good today.

    I know.

    I really want to eat a lot of you. Though I know I shouldn't.

    Why on earth not?

    Because I need to look after myself a bit better.

    What rubbish. Who said that?

    Healthy people. Happy people.

    I bet you a hundred pounds they're not as happy as they say they are.

    They might be.

    Would you be happy if you had to deprive yourself of good food?

    Maybe not right away...

    But you've been on diets before. And how have they worked out?

    Sometimes not that bad.

    And it's not like you're fat or anything.

    I'm a little bit fat.

    You never used to be this vain.

    I'm not vain!

    Then why does it matter if you're a bit chunky or not?

    Well it doesn't. But sometimes I feel a bit, you know, lethargic and lazy. And it may well be because I don't eat so well.

    And you think you'd have more energy if you ate less do you?

    Maybe not eat less, but eat better.

    What constitutes better? Celery? Ryvita? Seeds? Dust? You hate anything that's good for you.

    I like salad.

    Well that's not strictly true is it? You like salad plus potato salad plus cheese plus pork pies plus salad cream. You might be getting your vitamins, but you're not doing your cholesterol level any favours.

    True. I'm sad now.

    Well, that's what happens when you deprive yourself of the things in life you enjoy.

    I can't believe I'm talking to you.

    You're not. This whole conversation is just a figment of your imagination.

    I'm going a little out of my mind aren't I?

    Who am I to judge? I'm just a delicious filling for your fajita.

    You are delicious.

    I know. But don't feel bad about it. You can try eating better tomorrow.

    Thanks, food.

    My pleasure.

    Do you think I might start eating better tomorrow?

    Probably not.

    Yeah, probably not.
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