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  • So many questions and I don’t know where to start. Would answering them be leading me to believe something that may not be true? The answers themselves seem loaded and steer me in a direction I am unsure of.

    I work therefore I am. It’s not the money really. It defines me. My self-esteem depends on it. Insecurities washed away. I trust in me again and move forward. There is no looking back. Again, would I not be able to hold my ground without working? Am I that weak? It’s addictive almost. A career shot to boost my confidence and keep me going.

    “So when are you sharing the ‘good news’?”, they all ask. I smile a half-hearted one.

    Motherhood I think. Does it come naturally to me? No, I tell myself. My addiction seems to get the better of me here. What all would I have to give up? I have seen what ‘Stay at Home’ mothers feel like. They put their personal interests and ambitions aside for the sake of the family. A thankless job they claim it is. A deep sadness in their eyes, of a child they seem to have lost, a life they had to forgo, a feeling of being taken for granted. A loss of self-worth. Drowning in the abyss of self-pity.

    So really does all that self-sacrifice amount to anything? Is it really that bad or do I know only to see the bad? Is my sanity dependent on satisfying my ego? Running away from responsibility, am I?

    Selfishness. Conflict. Guilt. Sacrifice. Emotions that seem to currently resonate with my inner voice.

    The answers will come to me. I know it will, with time perhaps.
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