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  • I stopped drinking for a year, then i drank "for medicinal purposes", which did in fact have some reality to it. Recently i have been just drinking again....

    It's funny how it works; a slippery and subtle endeavor to be sure. I'm not certain if i want to drink or not, and it took a while to realize that i was "drinking again". But certain shifts recently ruptured my delicate constructions, so slipping through the net makes a lot of sense.

    But there is logic here also. I drink because i am afraid. I am afraid that disgruntled gods will reappear - or new ones will manifest -, and that the whims issued from their exalted perch will become my destiny.

    When i drink, the earth is more predictable. But its predictable for a reason. The dark forces are mitigated and restrained, but the bright lights of the heavens thereby also dim.

    But the funny thing is that i am not just escaping the dark; i am fearful of the light also. I can swim with gods in the sheer heart of things, but those waters are rife with other malignant beings.

    The truth is i take a break from the chaos of emotional dualism, and i am not sure that this is not a good thing, at times.

    And the economics of the soul is a stressful business, and i am not - at least right now - management material.

    But i will take a break from this break at least, to let in some distant but ever nearing light. And this is a deed caste in the iron forge of will, and what's good here is the bare fact of its happening.

    For this i am grateful and with this i will pass on and through.....
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