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  • I'm wandering around town with two friends. It's becoming night and then it is night and it's raining. I'm carrying a lot of awkward things and having trouble keeping track of everything. Then I'm with two different friends. I think in the dream the pairs keep switching, with even yet another pair of friends, or I just can't keep track of anyone. I'm very confused and feel like I'm just looking for people the whole time. Everyone seems disappointed in pretty much everything that I am doing and thinking. We have some sort of mission but I am not clear about what it is and I'm really uncomfortable and unsure about everything. No one can hear me when I ask where we're going but it seems imperative that I keep up. I'm also feeling like I've done something bad to make them try to ditch me, but like we're all trying to act normal like it didn't happen. But I also can't remember if I actually did anything or if I'm just paranoid. I'm trying to send text messages but the words are all out of order or I get interrupted before I can send the message or something else dumb happens. I'm very tense but I'm not sure why. I'm not sure I've done anything wrong, but I feel like I need to be ready to repent and feel ashamed about something. I'm worried that B knows and I can't find him or get a hold of him to find out. We decide to go to the grocery store. When we get there it is a very complicated house of many rooms that are all dimly lit. Then it's a tiny farmhouse. Then it's kind of like this tiny local co-op I've been to a few times. It switches between all these scenarios and I can't find what I'm looking for in any of them. Every time I enter a room I am interrupting something or someone or I just shouldn't be there. I walk into a room that is a restaurant dining area with about 25 full tables of people staring at me because I'm barefoot and dirty and clumsily carrying a bunch of things. There's a man in one room and he pulls me in and wants to put his hands on me and I let him for a minute but then I can't figure out how to free myself from all the things I'm holding so I shimmy myself free from him and continue on my search for I'm not sure what. I find myself on the landing of hardwood stairs that remind me of the house I grew up in or of some house I was in as a child. I'm packing my things into duffel bags that I can more easily carry. Except everything keeps spilling out and the zippers are broken. A group of middle aged people glare at me because I am blocking the stairwell. I'm embarrassed and I try to gather my belongings quickly, but I can't and I just step aside and let them get past me, stepping on my things and kicking them out of the way. Then I am in a small room that has the dim blue flickering light of a television in the background but I can't see the television. I have all of my things splayed out on a bed and I'm looking at them in the dark blue light and wondering why I keep carrying them around. I want to give it all up. But if I leave the room and everything in it, I won't know which direction to go in, so I'm waiting but I don't know for what. I feel really broken and a huge sense of loss and guilt and regret, and I start crying, which is all I have wanted to do the whole time. With that, B explodes into the room with the hugest smile ever. He looks odd, his hair is long and black and tucked into a baseball cap. He is very thin and looks about 15 years younger. He hugs me and is really happy to see me. He isn't mad and I am relieved but also unsure of whether or not I am glad. He tells me everything is really great and he is really excited. He is holding my face with both hands and kissing it and helps me pack up my things so that we can carry them away together. I wake up abruptly before the scene in complete.
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