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  • Last night I went out to quizzo in town with some friends from work, as I often do on Wednesday nights.

    I was talking to one of the guys there and discovered that he is related to a guy I went to college with. I went to a tiny, tiny school in the mountains of West Virginia, where I graduated with only 153 day students.

    It’s a small world.

    This guy that he knows was once a crush of mine, but not one I’m proud to admit. Although I didn’t sleep with him, I’ve regretted that night since the morning after.

    The phone call that never came hurt, a lot. But it didn’t break my heart, nor did any of the other brief male appearances that have predominately defined my love life. Nope, the only boy who has ever truly broken my heart, never even kissed me.

    For many girls, it’s the first boyfriend, or the one who takes their virginity; and my sister (God, love her) still dismisses the unrequited love that dominated my junior year of high school as nothing to get too upset about.

    I was 16 going on 17, and Matt was 17 going on 18. I have a sister that age now, and I look at her thinking, geez I was so young.

    We talked every night, he picked me up and met my parents on several occasions, we watched movies on the futon in his room -- just the two of us. While it’s not a particularly romantic movie, I still can't watch Van Wilder without thinking of him.

    I knew how he felt, but he was the first, and only, boy who has ever truly cared for me, and loved me in a way that I deserve to be loved.

    Yes, I have guy friends. Some of which would do nearly anything for me. Actually, I can think of one who may be offended that I am seemingly dismissing him, as he has told me he loves me (platonically) several times. But the emotional intimacy with Matt is unparalleled to any other male friend.

    In my completely biased opinion, unrequited love is the most painful and doesn’t get the credit. It’s pure, unclouded by the physical appeal. It's my greatest fear when it comes to love.

    I often feel broken by the guys that I date and have dated, but it’s not them that break me. The ideal of them does.

    Today, I’m the daughter who dates in a manner that every parent dreams of, but that’s no guarantee either.

    I don’t lay awake wishing it had worked out, but Matt is still the guy I compare all the new guys to.
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