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  • This is the suit I wore to my mother's funeral.

    It's been sitting in a plastic bag for three years, because after she died I had to move in with my sister. Most of my things got boxed up and locked away. I lived with her for nearly a year before I left, but having no car and no money, my stuff had to stay with her.

    This Christmas was the first time I've been back since then. One of my goals was to go through my things, find what I absolutely needed to keep, and throw away / sell the rest.

    My mother's boyfriend gave me this suit for reasons I can't recall. I wore it to school some days, because I liked standing out. It made me feel better than I actually was.

    My brother and sister said the funeral wasn't going to be anything overly glamorous. No suits, no ties, no church, no eulogy. Just a viewing, an exchanging of words between people who knew and loved her.

    I made a point of wearing a suit.

    I made a point of giving a eulogy.

    When I found the suit, I sifted through the pockets and found two crumpled tissues. I had used them to hide my tears when no one was looking. I remember holding on to them like anchors.
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