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  • When you are in love, you would never think that falling out of it is even possible. For me, I think I fell out harder than I fell in. You always imagine the world as a perfect place. Boy meets Girl. Boy loves Girl, Girl loves Boy back. Girl and Boy lives happily ever after. Happily ever afters are far from reality and is the sole mimicry of a perfect relationship.

    It took me a total of 2 days of pushing and pulling to be sure that I am no longer in love with you. I think you took too much from me that I've reached the point where I have no more to give you. All the sleepless nights, the dread I felt every morning, the tears, the everything miserable you gave me. I will always remember that one night when I needed you so badly and I called you already knowing you won't pick up, hearing the endless ringing that was so sadly familiar. To hear you pick up and felt overwhelming hope to hear your voice but realize you meant to press "Ignore Call" instead, and you easily just press "End Call" and hung up. A text came through saying "I'm sorry, I'm tired, I don't feel like talking." I remembered thinking, how can a "Hey, how are you." waste so much more time then all you just went through to turn away my call. I remembered feeling pathetic, worthless, and incredibly hurt. I hope you know the reason why I still pick up your calls isn't because I am still crazy about you. I just don't have the heart to do what you did to me, to anyone else. No one deserves to be treated that way. No one.

    I can confidently say that I am so done. I no longer need you to pick up my calls to feel like I'm worth something. I don't need to hear the sound of your voice over the phone before I sleep every night. I open my front door and I don't wish to see you standing there. I drive around town and I no longer look for your car. I go out and I no longer order what you usually order. I wake up in the morning and you are not the first thought on my mind. I no longer think of you when I go somewhere nice or eat something good. Above all I hope you know that I am finding happiness, even though for so long you've made me forget how.

    Falling out of love can be a scary thing. You are thrown out of something you've always been familiar with. You are in new terrain and you are on your own. You aren't sure whether or not you are good enough anymore, but you'll be amazed what life will bring to you, sometimes someone comes along out of thin air when you truly need them most to make you feel a way you forgot you are able to feel. It's amazing things like that, that reminds you, you must of done something right, and you are deserving of happiness.

    The picture above is how I've always wanted to imagine myself as. Not the girl who was weak and didn't want to do anything about it. Not the girl who was miserable but felt no worth to take control of her life. So to you, if you ever decide to think of me again, imagine me that way. Happy. Not the sad pathetic girl you decided to turn away from.

    "I'm done with this, feeling like an idiot. Loving you, I'm over it. I just don't love you, don't love you no more. You, you are so yesterday." Toni sings the words that truly describes how I feel. I'm relieved to say that I can move on from this now. You can say what you want to say, think what you want to think, but I honestly no longer care. I no longer feel like I am not deserving of you, but that you are not deserving of my love and attention. I truly do hope you find happiness in your life, since I am slowly finding mine. I'm also happy to say I no longer feel like you are worth my words. This will be the last story I am writing about you.
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