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  • When I was a little girl I never had a birthday party. I guess it was not important for my parents and I grew up looking at the celebration of other children and asking always why I was not celebrated.
    I do not want to give the impression I was a victim of a cruel family. It was just the way they were.
    When I had my children I wanted to give them all what I never had and I went overboard with parties ,friends ,presents .In a way I was having my birthdays through them. I did not want my daughter or my son, to feel sad as I had been, so I used to buy as many presents I could afford for the one born on the birthday day and I bought little gifts to the other to make him feel special even in that normal date of their lives .When it was the turn of the other one I did the same so they both had big smiles in their faces ,the birthday one and the one who was lucky enough to receive some nice surprises from mum.
    I cannot remember a party or a proper celebration even when I was a teenager or a grown up. I have a wonderful family but they seem to be detached. The first time I had a party, I organized myself. I like the thought of" do not wait until someone looks after the garden of your soul because you can water the flowers yourself “I had a big party with friends and presents and I felt I was a little girl again. That birthday made up for all the other ones that were not celebrated and that proved that we can be the architects of our own happiness. Why to be waiting always that someone else does something for us? Expectations are the doors of the disappointments as someone said but If we take the expectations in our hands ,the door will be close and no rooms for disappointments.
    I guess as I grew up birthdays, Christmas and New Years always had a melancholic feeling for me. It was like I was Santa trying to make everybody happy but everybody was so busy receiving, that they forgot that Santa needed a little special time too.
    As a grown up woman I try to think with my mind and not to feel with my heart when those holidays come close. I imagine big families around the Christmas tree and the turkey and the laughter and I feel quite alone. All my family is around the world and we never had the opportunity to get together what it could have been the most wonderful dream. I read somewhere that Christmas and New Year are the dates where more people commit suicide. I guess some people imagine that the rest of the world is happy on those times and everything is a postcard perfect with reindeers and all. This make them feel isolated and sad and make them go into a deep depression on a date that should be full of love and even If we do not get from another people we should give the love to ourselves and do something fun not for anybody else but for us. It is the stupid idea that the calendar say we must be happy and we do not understand fully that happiness is inside us. Dates are just dates and we can have Christmas any day of the year if we want it but as this special occasion comes around it loses the real meaning and it became a commercial frenzy of people buying and sending cards without a real meaning, more from duty than from the heart. There are beautiful exceptions of people who take the time to really send a part of their love writing a few words with lovely wishes and they enjoy to do it.By the time of Christmas Eve everybody is so tired of buying, eating and drinking that they are glad when is over.
    I believe Christmas should be a time of peace and love and togetherness. I think we get to involved in the doing and not enough in the feeling of Love and compassion for the ones who need even just a hug.

    I wonder If Christ thought his birthday was going to become a festival like that.
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