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  • My surname "Fain" aside from meaning "gladness" or "eager", is also the name of pagan temple of France. Or once was. Curious, that.

    As a kid, my dad used to play with a ouija board, with the neighbor kids down the street. He swore that it worked several times whenever they'd use it. But then, soon after, the girl he played with most often, started having terrible night terrors. And my dad said he too would have disturbing dreams and wake to find his bed shaking.

    My brother Cody has spoken of astral projection and his travels outside of his body. He said his friend's mother taught him how to do it. One night he tried it, and as he left his body, he felt something grab him from behind, and he freaked out, and woke up from his trance, frightened. After the heroin and meth abuse began and continued, and climaxed, he had a dream his soul was leaving his body. He began to float up toward the ceiling, until some other spirit ("an angel", said my mother.) pushed him back down.

    My aunt told me once to be careful with my tarot cards. She said she did a tarot reading for a friend weeks before he died of a drug overdose. She said when she found out, she thought instantly back to the reading she gave him, because it had predicted something very dark and difficult happening to him. Obviously he did not survive it. She said she couldn't do tarot anymore after that, because it scared her.

    I bought my first pack of tarot cards, a Rider-Waite deck, when I was eighteen, at a new-age store in Corvallis. I was there visiting my friend Nate, since he had just started school there at OSU. We took the cards back to his dorm room and I began to do my first celtic cross spread. Nearly a decade later, it's still my go-to. I bought my second deck when I was twenty-four, from New Renaissance bookstore, here in Portland. I do believe I want a third, because there are hundreds and hundreds of different decks, with different themes. The large tattoo on my back is based on an interpretation of "The Star". It's a card that represents hope for the future, and the deep psyche, the places one find's strength, in difficult times. I bought a spirit board online. I've used a toy ouija board in the past with little success. I'm hoping to try an automatic writing experiment with it, in the near future.

    I was finally able to astral project very recently (with a little help ;). I've already been a lucid dreamer (although I can't always do it) for a couple of years now. I often return to the same place, in my dreams. Astral projection is similar to a dream, in that you are in a dream state but not asleep. You can "leave your body" and explore other realms. The experience was life-changing. You can never understand until you've tried it yourself. It's pretty wild. But I'm not afraid. I am studious on the subject, and quite cautious as well.

    I believe that many people have these gifts. Even those who vow they don't exist. That it's all bullshit. As if that's the point.

    It doesn't matter if its bullshit. If you don't understand that now, you will.
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