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  • Back to ER.
    I seem to not have as much time to watch it every evening.
    Maybe something to do with the writer.
    But when I start watching the dvds on my laptop,
    its very easy to get right back in the swing of it,
    and end up devouring episodes, one oafter the other.

    I was dreading this episode coming up in Series 10.
    I remember crying until I couldn't breathe when I first watched it.
    When it was aired I was quite young,
    no experience of life,
    still living in the comfortable bubble of
    8am school runs, french homework, shopping in town with friends on Saturdays,
    telling my mum when I was feeling poorly, those kind of things.
    So this particular episode definitely burst tat bubble. It left exposed me, exasperating.
    I had never known life could be so raw and unforgiving.

    I will explain.
    Dr Carter fell in love with an English doctor (Kem) while working in the Congo.
    She fell pregnant and so they moved back to America,
    so she could have the baby with the best care,
    and Carter could go back to working in ER.
    ER couldn't function without him as the caring heart-throb.
    But during this episode, at a baby check-up,
    the sonogram nurse couldn't find the baby's heartbeat.
    The couple learnt that their child was to be still born.

    The scene, the birth, is encompassing. It grips you into their situation.
    I would never wish it on anyone and it scares me so much that it could happen to me.
    It must be a feeling of worthlessness.
    I can't imagine going through labour and not hearing your baby cry out for love.
    I was in bed, after a hot shower, my hair still wet.
    I was crying my heart out for them.
    Crying with them.

    I would always joke to my mum about one of my Godmother's.
    She would never remember my birthday,
    she would spell my name wrong,
    I very rarely saw her.

    After the first time I watched the episode, my mother told me that this situation arose for my Godmother.
    She had carried two healthy boys who came out screaming.
    But it was her daughter that came out silent.
    Which is why my mother chose her to be my guardian.
    That shut me up.
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