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  • This past week they have been crawling out of the woodwork.
    Out of corners of my life I have left behind.
    They have scurried over to me,
    buzzing, flitting, annoying,
    wanting to be seen and heard,
    but stinging, smugly.

    I am talking about exes.
    The man from May and the twat before him.

    I recieved a simple and friendly text from the man;
    "Hey How are you doing?"
    To which I respond about work, a safe topic for both parties.

    This is what he replied;
    "So business is pretty much full time now then?
    I'm great, work is good, and things are going great with the relationship!"
    That was it, what I am supposed to say to that?!

    Second round of the Ugly Bug Ball was in London.
    I was going to a event set up by Marie Claire magazine called "how to get your book published".
    There would be free champagne, and talks from an author, a literary agent, an editor and a publisher.
    I have been writing a novel on and off for a year now so I thought this would get me back into action.

    Unfortunately the event was at the HQ of the company that owns Marie Claire, where the twat works.
    What are the chances of running into him? I know he takes the 6pm train home and the event started at 6:30pm - surely I wouldn't see him.
    Of course I did.
    I was mingling with the other writers and clocked him instantly. He was dressed head to toe in luminous cycling gear and in the corner of my eye I could see him scuttling over to me.
    I was mid conversation so he hovered at my shoulder.
    Once finished speaking, I took a deep breath, calculated my amunition, and turned to him.

    Twat; What are you doing here?
    Kat; The publishing event, you know for the novel I am writing... (first shot)
    Twat; So did you have to buy the tickets or were you invited?
    Kat; Its an event where you buy tickets.
    Twat; oh, so anyone can go then? (STING 1)

    Twat; Hows the baking?
    Kat; Good actually, I'll be on TV in September on BBC3 (brief explainaiton about it- second shot), and launched a new range called jackernuts-sports which has been picked up by GB Nutrition (third shot), created a charity jackernut for Royal London Blind Society (fourth shot), and doing lots of promos (bang bang bang). So you're cycling home these days?
    Twat; I live in London now (STING 2), I make a mint (STING 3), they think I'm good here (STING 4), I'll probably get a promotion soon (STING 5), I'm going out with the girls from Nuts tonight (STING 5).
    So are you still living with your mum? (Buzz buzz buzz)
    Get me some anitiseptic!

    I didn't really care, I tried not to.
    I had a great night, the talks were good and when everyone left the conference room I nabbed the agent and presented him with an extract of my novel.
    I was the only one out of 50 guests to think of this. I thought it would be obvious.
    I looked him in the eyes, held a conversation with him and shook his hand.
    "Pleasure meeting you, I'm Kat Jones"
    "That's a great name" he said.
    "You won't forget it".

    I walked across embankment bridge. The sky was glowing red as the sun set. The large olympic ring sculptures on the Thames illuminated the night and reflected bright colours on the water.
    I took a minute.
    I looked at the gently lapping of the river, I gripped the railings,
    I watched the tourists take pictures of their family,
    and thought with optimisim that I might be alright one day.
    And I wondered about my date lined up for tomorrow evening.
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