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  • When I was 19 years old my mother left us. She had fallen in love with a man ten years her junior, who was a well – known gynecologist in a Southern German city.

    My father, my two younger sisters and I were dumbfounded.

    My father said to my mother,”Go with that man and see, if it works out. If it does, then we think about a divorce.”

    “No,” my mother shook her head,” I want a divorce now. I have never had anything good with you!”

    When she talked to me about her lover she had dreamy eyes and she seemed younger to me than even I was.

    My parents got a divorce and my mother left.

    It did not work out with her lover. He was a sexual pervert. After a month she tried to commit suicide. The man abandoned her. She was saved by a kind and compassionate neighbor.

    My parents re – married.

    A couple of years later my dad suffered a heart attack and soon after another.

    My mom spent a lot of her time with depressions in bed or in a thousand different doctors ‘offices. She would yell and scream and faint and be very desperate and we, her three daughters, did not understand. We mostly still hated her for having abandoned us.

    A few years later my sister told me that because of his heart - condition my father could not have sex anymore, but my mother complained that sex was what she most needed and as she could not have enough, she was so mentally disturbed. My father, listening to this, had taken my mom´s hand and suggested,” If that is what you need, then let us look for a nice man, who can make love to you, so that you are happy again!”

    I do not know if my parents went through with that plan.

    I do not have the courage to ask my mother about this.

    My father has been dead for 23 years.

    Was his offer a proof of a love deeper than vanity, desire and possessiveness? Was it his dependency on her?

    I am so deeply moved by remembering this today.

    Photography by Marcey Jacobson (My Dad)
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