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  • Today, I walked into a magical garden...at the entrance it said, Golders Green Crematorium...yes yes, the same place that gained it's fame as the place where, Amy Winehouse, the famous singer, was cremated...

    I could not have imagined, such a beautifully done up garden in a busy city, like London...and definitely never thought it would be a place where the dead lived !

    Walked into the open courtyard with name slabs on the walls, in memory of the souls that have crossed over. Listening to the welcoming music of the water fountain, and the dancing tall trees. The shining sun, the singing birds and the peaceful stillness.

    In the hope to connect better with the surroundings, I took off my shoes to feel the earth below. It was a sunny day, but still in some parts the grass was soft and quite moist. It felt quite nice to walk on.

    The smiling roses were whispering stories to the wind and talking to the invisible beings that once belonged to this world. It could be my imagination...but in that moment, I felt like I was way way away from this world. It almost felt like being on auto pilot and was being taken to some place important...

    Every few mins I'd stop to look around, wondering how this garden could feel so alive but still so silent and dead at the same time. I kept walking, till I reached a lonely bench.

    Memories of myself, in the past two years rushed back to me as I was sitting down.

    ABUSE. SUICIDE. LOSS. BETRAYAL. HURT. PAIN. ANGER. HATE.

    Tears rolling down my cheeks...made me think of how I was choosing death over life. Visibly no physical pain, but deep within...my soul was so abused to the limit I could take no more and wanted to end it all as soon as I could.

    Sitting on that bench, I heard my inside voice say, 'Once I had died, like the people who were cremated in this garden...but today I'm back to being alive...like the ashes that came back as roses. Be happy to have passed through the troublesome time and to have reached this far into this beautiful garden.'

    And then...as I was wipping my uncontrollable tears, my eye went to a tomb stone, and it read, 'Peace at last.'

    Something within me, felt awake in that moment. The calmness I was feeling was affirmed, and the reality of my life today was that I was amongst the dead buried ashes, that were the smiling roses who were laughing with the sun, dancing with the winds, water fountains splashing music and I was sitting in a garden I only thought could exist in my imagination.

    In that moment, I felt ALIVE. REAL. STRONG. FREE...and something made me forget and forgive the people who have hurt me, or I felt hurt by them. My heart whispered to my head, "I forgive you...I forgive you Humna...I forgive you."

    Leaving that bench, walking out of the garden towards home my heart smiled...I felt peace...peace at last.
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