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  • I don't know why this happens.
    I am starting to think something is seriously wrong with me.
    I must be destined to be alone, to live in the world as a one.
    Yes I'm being over dramatic, but still...

    The date was nice.
    "nice".
    I was met by a lovely chap at Tottenham Court Road tube,
    he took me a japanese restaurant on Charlotte Street,
    and we shared fresh tuna and salmon shashimi.
    He told me epic stories of his travels to Thailand,
    ones where he actually had near-death experiences,
    he's already seen so much life, got so much from it.
    I had nothing of the same.
    A complete gentleman and paid.

    It was dark by now but the night was warm. Airless even.
    So we stopped for drinks before hitting separate roads.
    Charismatic, charming, interesting and interested.
    But I didn't feel right.
    There was nothing he did or didn't do.
    But still it wasn't there,
    and I couldn't find an explaination.
    I don't understand it,
    and I don't understand myself.

    I had a lot to think about as I was walking up the long and tedious hill at 00:12am back to the Sevenoaks house. I was looking for an answer, a certainty, something concrete, a reason.
    Nothing.
    I know I want to feel lust, flutters, excitement, electricity, trust, protection and ambition when I meet Mr Right,
    and so maybe, collectively, those were the things I didn't feel.
    I fell for the on-paper man.
    My own on-paper-ticks-all-the-boxes man; can anyone live up to this man?
    I guess its my own fault then.
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