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  • The second job I ever had in my life was at Chuck E. Chesse’s Pizza Time Theater, as it was called then, on Hole by the Tyler Mall. And my job was being Chuck E. Cheese, to put on the big rat costume and walk around and play with the kids and do that kind of thing. The costume was composed of this big huge head that completely took away any peripheral vision and this heavy fake rat fur body suit that reeked of the accumulated sweat of everybody who had even worn it. It smelled like the ass of a four-hundred pound man that had run across the Mojave Desert wearing nothing but mink underwear. And just as moist.

    When it was time for me to go out on the floor I wouldn’t just open a door and walk out, there was this big introduction ritual which took place. In one of the big rooms in the restaurant was a big stage populated with animatronic cartoon animal orchestra, made up of all of Chuck’s buddies. A cow, a duck, whatever, all anthromorphized. Really bad fake Disney stuff. Someone would hit a switch, and the bells and whistles would go off and the robots would spring to life, singing song extolling the virtues of Chuck and his pizza, and at the end I would pop out from under the stage all dressed up and dancing around and wiggling by butt. After my intro, I basically wandered through the restaurant and play with the kids, play some video games with them, take some pictures, and so forth. But I wasn’t allowed to talk, after all, I didn’t sound like him, but no a very had job for a high school kid.

    I lasted a few months at that job before I was fired (setting a precedent which lasted into my 20s). The reason I was given for being let go was that while as Chuck, I had hit a kid. I denied this, as I had no recollection of doing anything like that, but my protests fell on deaf ears and I was shown the door. All I could think that may have happened was this - As I mentioned earlier the big costume rat head that I wore greatly limited my vision, so I must have accidently, being a big graceless teen to begin with, hit and knocked over some kid. With the think costume on, I didn’t even feel it. So yeah, I became known amongst people as the guy who got fired from being Chuck E. Cheese for hitting a kid. And on occasion my brothers still bring it up.
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