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  • I've pretty much always been myself complete with my facade
    that thankfully all kind, considerate people can see through
    the self is a shell that we borrow for a journey time
    a home needs attention and looking after
    as it faces the guarantee of change
    at times I am a hermit crab
    looking for a new home
    as I grow my self


    In my late thirties I read somewhere, the interpretation of a particular astro alignment in my chart.
    It said that this makes for 'a dangerous person', and warned of 'being careful in its presence'.
    I was shocked. I was really shocked.
    I had to recalculate everything for the chart again. But the result was the same.
    I got someone else to do it, just in case.
    I read samples of much of everything in that in-depth book and others
    just to get a handle on how to interpret that one statement.
    I still didn't get it. Round ended pencil job.
    For another alignment it said, 'this character would be well advised to choose one thing and stick to it'.
    Well, how come I didn't see that one before I changed jobs so many times?
    Of course I understand the construct of 'potentials' and that all alignments
    are effected by others in the matrix to some degree, amelioration and enhancement.

    But I needed to cope with this. At that time. Not clutch straws. Actually cope.
    It took a few years to actually get it.
    So if philosophy is coping, here is mine.
    I worked out that I am dangerous.
    Mostly to myself.

    Like when at the isolated pub in the box canyon at Newns when in my twenties.
    Abseiling friends were a bit hesitant to enter seeing 20 Harleys out front.
    Me being new from the bush, didn't know any different and walked on in.
    Some of the others followed, and the rest eventually.
    Then I realised the energy in there. I've mentioned before, I am strongly clairsentient.
    It was pretty different in there.
    A little sense of knife cutting through air, just them bikies, the keep, and the 12 or so of us, but we ordered drinks anyway.
    I don't drink alcohol. I ordered a lemonade for myself.
    This mountain stands from his stool about a metre to my right, and asks, "What are you? Religious or something?"
    I dunno why he had to stand to ask that. He was quite effective in his size just by sitting there.
    At first I didn't realise what was being implied as I looked up yonder at him.
    Then it clicked. Oh, he means why aren't I drinking beer.
    I thought it was a reasonable question deserving a reasonable answer, blurting back, "Nah, I'm not religious. I just don't drink alcohol. I don't like it. You drink what you like. I drink what I like."
    Every statement therein was true. Sort of.
    I follow indigenous spirituality, and do not belong to a religion. I do not like alcohol. He drinks what he likes. I drink what I like. (Actually I haven't liked, and very, very rarely drink any carbonated beverages from around 8 years of age, sensing that they are merde for me. Sorry for that unintended fib Mr Bikie, it was caught in the essence of being succinct.)

    Yeah, I know, you are waiting to hear what happened!

    Well, for a split second I realised how deafening silence can be!
    And also realised that all eyes were on me. And him. But I think more on me. Small room, big crowd.
    I think they were all wondering if I was still going to be on this planet in the following seconds.
    Then that bloke nearly knocked me to the ground with his humongis hand
    as he slapped me on the shoulder and said, "I like you! You tell it like it is!", and sat down again.
    Well thank goodness for that! He liked me! So everyone started chatting again. That close! Something that didn't dawn on this here slow learner until the moment had passed.

    They were probably listening to the commotion outside after we exited and mates are opening up all together, excited like, "man, you are one crazy son of a B. You could have got us all killed!"
    I was thankful that I didn't cause that effect, but seriously wondered aloud, "What else was I going to say? He just asked a question and I answered."
    "Yeah but Trev, you could have gotten us in serious merde...", though they did get the point.
    I realised their point as well. I could be potentially dangerous.

    Like when on many times with no fear have found myself in dangerous predicaments, whereas if I'd had respect for those potentials of those circumstances, that may have seen me act otherwise.
    But that's what naivety is about.
    Situations concerning outright mortal survival, too many to mention, like when I received my near death experience at 15.
    And those where psychological survival through social acceptance was potentially at risk by going where angels fear to tread, contesting quietly the injustices of inappropriately applied 'power' before me. Even a couple of times finding myself, circumstantially, unexpectedly, momentarily, in actual dangerous criminal company, until finding ways to extricate myself from it.
    But I learned a lot. As I went. As I go. Just like us all.

    So what about the 'one thing and stick to it' ?
    Merde. I've had around 40 different jobs including several volunteer positions, all across 8 different industries from since I was 13 years old and legally employed.
    Of course I can't self-incriminate to paper the illegal employment I was engaged in younger than 13. Like getting pocket money for mowing the lawn.

    I get bored after 2 years maximum.
    I am a complete failure. I thought.
    I cannot stick to one thing.
    Desperate Reach for philosophy.
    If there was one thing. What was it? What is it? Surely I can do something right.
    Then I realised that there was one thing that I had stuck to.
    In all its forms and levels.
    I'd always felt it, expressed it, enjoyed it, lived it, been rescued by it when I wasn't living it, shared it, received it, did it.

    So I was happy that I found that.
    It's true I tend to interpret all things through the simple language of love.
    That's why I know my friends love me, though they don't often understand me.

    Interpretation. Results in different things for different folks.
    All journeying to sense a reasoning for our self existence.
    These days I practice more intuitive astrology, just for fun,
    when watching astronomy brother and sister stars above on balmy nights, wondering,
    when is that UFO going to land?
    Come here brother, I will talk to you. My mind is open.
    Maybe they don't come, sensing I'm too dangerous.

    Reality. I sing love to mother earth along the song lines, and I see fractals swirling there.
    Cymbals of us singing here.
    Love to you.


    Thank You Deniz

    Image: A girl caught me in a quieter less dangerous moment, looking at an aspect of myself.
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