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  • Sorry for my absence. I've been through many facilities where they don't allow internet or the use of laptops. But I have been writing here and there. But right now I am at the hospital, again, only because I feel like I am sinking into my own mind. Hopefully you guys that understand. I have over 1500 emails I have to read. And it's very overwhelming. And if you guys don't hear from me, it's because I'm that facility again. But here is a story for you guys...

    I want to bring you on a voyage through words that I have written here. My voyage.

    I want to let my throat choke as I scream
    A muffled sound
    But rather a loud gong
    Why won’t I shut the fuck up?
    Annoying and announcing
    I get into trouble this way
    Announcing to shut the fuck up
    Now
    I don’t want to say a word
    Not even to you
    Not even to anyone, especially the world
    And now I wonder why my gong is so loud
    It has to do with you
    Yes, you
    And now I remember
    You had told me why once
    It’s because we have freedom
    To scream at any moment
    And freedom has two feet
    Two legs to stand on
    You showed me mine
    And hopefully this will show yours
    In appreciation
    I will scream
    Oh, how I will scream
    What, I don’t know
    But I will do it out of appreciation
    And my heart has two feet
    Two legs
    And sometimes silence can be wonderful
    Because in this case
    My heart has two feet, two legs
    To be felt inside
    Kicking like a new born baby
    To make a stand
    And in appreciation
    I will give this silence
    To you
    For you to scream
    Whatever you want
    And I will be standing right next to you
    Because I have two feet
    Two legs
    And I’m kicking like a new born baby
    All because of you
    And now I remember
    Because I almost forgot
    So I just have to say
    I shut the fuck up
    To listen
    Not to hear you scream
    But to feel how powerful your voice can be
    Inside and out
    Because it feels heavenly to me
    On my legs and feet
    And now I can walk
    In the clouds
    Speaking
    Screaming
    My freedom
    My own
    And yours

    Going forth…

    When will we figure out that we all stand on the same ground? Because we all take a step. And today I see mine. Where do we go? We go deep. And looking at mine, I see how deep it goes. And then I see I stand alone, only to look up to see hands trying to grab me. I stick out my hands to hold onto someone’s hand and this person pulls me up out of this deep dark crevice. I smile. I ask where have I been? And this someone says to me, right here, holding my hand.

    conclusion...

    All I ever wanted was to see myself smile, something genuine and true of some sort. To show you I am real, instead of everyone telling me to be this person or that. I only want to smile to see yours. The only person that sees me truly for who I am. And I believe that you can see through society’s confusion and see its heart. And you tell me to listen, listen hard, because there is something to listen to. You ask me if I hear it. So I listen hard, I close my eyes, and try very hard to hear. And then I hear something, through all this noise. A musical beat appearing from nowhere; like drums trumpeting throughout the day. I tell you I can hear something, a beat. 'What is it?' I asked. You say it’s my heart, and that’s the sound of society’s inner core. I see you smile. I laugh and smile back. And you tell me that my laughter and smile is society’s response for you and me, thanking us in finding what matters most. You tell me to see the genuine and trueness in me and everyone else. Then I see the importance of smiling. It’s to see your heart come forth and out of your body, to expose, for everyone to see. And people can share it with you, because everyone is and has the heart of society
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