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  • Life sometimes bring such meanings to be explored along the time that complete development of the supposed circumstances are a whole-life task.

    The only thing I'm sure is that what passed that night was after my delusion about positive thought and mind control. My mom were always very hurt about many of my ways of expression, and one day she, in deep gutsy sickness about me, said that intelligent people look for paths to feel nice and live well. She was so prone to believe that the world can be a comfortable place to stay that I felt myself exiled in reality. Influenced by Silva Mind Control, she led me to a week for class believing it would be The Great solution for my disturbed life. Appreciating somehow her efforts to see me well with life, I tried that courses some times, but then I felt myself giving up of concepts of bless like "if you live well on Earth, you don't have reasons to think you'll be in bad situation after death" and "I like myself so much, I take care of myself so well".... My journey arguing to myself against ordinary comfort, stability and pleasure finally put me aside this kind of acquaintanceship with "all-goods". However one day I had a dream that revealed me, to myself, so much! And it started with the course minister, a woman for whom I always had an aversion.

    In a church lighted only with blue neon lights on the baseboards of the room, Z appeared dressed in white on the pulpit and induced everybody, me also, into relaxation, alpha tuned. With that look of calm of those who had just left the toilet, she told us that everyone of us would be guided to the room of each one's own life. But the mental projection was a real place and every experience would be lived again to complete the cycle of life, so each peaople would have a complete panorama of whole individual life. I thought of running away but saw myself saboted because there was no way out and murmured "Damn, she caught me!".

    So there I went and found myself in a big hangar divided in corridors like an empty market. It was an abandoned place and it was really surprehendent that there was still an only lamp lighting the whole place in the ceiling. Each corridor meant an age where I should walk through and admire the almost absolute emptiness and lack of interest, cold and darkness of my place. In one where there was a board telling 2-3, I found dust, some insect tracks, and in the next, there was an only catchball that was my mom's and I never really played with. Knowing my journey wouldn't be nice and flowered and funny, but solitaire and sad, I walked through each corridor with an only expectation after passing about five of them.

    Almost under the only lasting wavering lamp, when the corridors seemed larger, I told myself: "Here is the place. Just shrink in a corner, breathe deeply, open your eyes and wait. It's coming and will kill you. Take care or you will die for real". Tense in sweat, I crouched myself to be protect and the smallest so I wouldn't be so easy to attack.

    Then he came. It was a monster, as I expected, but much huger than I thought, a white wolf in the size of the biggest bear, coming from deep deep water and sparkling mud from the depth. Red open eyes the size of windows, plenty of blood, and a bloody mouth open with dozens of dirty canines. It jumped the entire body from the dirty water and chased me in the remaining space where I was already fitted.

    But as it opened his mouth, I jumped from my place and had an astonishing reaction. As the beast opened the mouth, I ran behind it so it lost the balance and started to fall in its back. I was agile to break the front paws bringing them to the back, tying them with the tail, them doing the same with the back paws and tying them with the tail. The beast became furiously aggressive and started to dribble and growl. But as the beast was in my hands and I had to keep control or I still could be killed, then I stared the wolf, watched the floppiest vulnerable point exposed.

    I bit the beast's belly. More than just taking its life, I devoured the belly, the guts and all inwards, the bones, the heart, the muddy fur with dirty water, the nails, the eyes. I spread blood all around. I was immersed in blood.

    The only remaining part of the beast were the maxillaries, hitting the huge canines trying still to bite me. But then I just gave it my way to open it in 360 grades but it seemed that it didn't work, So I left that piece full of teeth bouncing blindly around the place, and tried to find the next corridor so I could understand the purpose of what's next in life.

    No, I didn't know what the following corridors had led me to yet, but I've been walking the real of dream. I don't know well what that demon was (I'm sure it was a demon), The optmistic vision that I can take from such a brutality is to remember that Moses' shepherd's staff became a powerful snake that devoured the tricky snake of the Pharaoh's Magician. But we know, meanings change along the time and my dream didn't come to an end yet. The light now at least is stronger.

    Would you spend a walk with me?


    (Illustration: "White Demon Wolf", by White Spirit Wolf at DevianART. In my dream it was dirtier)
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