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  • Today I left my rings off for the first time since he left, it feels really strange, they've been there for so long, the engagement ring was missing for a while until he had it repaired for me.
    I feel un-married. I know that unmarried means never married, but somehow I feel that it should apply, that's why I put the hyphen in. I'm not divorced, and the term separated feels wrong.
    There needs to be a word for this, abandoned is one............when I accused him of abandoning me he said; 'I'm not, I'll pay the mortgage and half the bills', as if the money matters at all, how can men be so stupid? How do you justify what you do? please guys tell me. He talked like a character in a soap opera, 'I still love you', platitudes and bits from old scripts. You don't do this to a person you love.

    Loneliness is toxic, I was getting on ok, I thought, starting to deal with this new life alone, then some family bad news arrived, suddenly I'm back two months ago, crying every day, desperate for someone to talk it over with, someone to hold me and help me deal with it. This is stuff we would support each other, and the person who it's happening to with, as a couple, us against the world.

    I see the effects of loneliness in it's extreme forms in my home town, there's a lady who wanders the streets, dressed in long dresses and large hats and carrying on animated conversations with an imaginary person, I'm sure there are more problems in her life than just loneliness, but it can't help. On my way to work a figure strode down the road, an older man, neat short back and sides, clean shaven, in brown brogues and grey socks, a very normal white shirt with fine checks, in between an emerald green, velvet, mid calf skirt. Striding along with his briefcase. Maybe he's not a lonely man, but I can't help thinking that must be part, at least, of his problems. (Of course he may not see this outlandish dress as a problem at all).

    Well this has helped me get things a bit straighter in my head, so thanks to anyone who reads it.

    (Couldn't find a relevant picture so I just put this one in)
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