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  • You wrote you have a crazy husband. Sometimes you go months handling the crazy well and being happy to be in a foreign land and happy about not having to "go fish" again, and not having to face the anguish and social aspects and more importantly, the personal pain of ending a relationship. There is comfort in not being alone.

    A good practice is to ask yourself, inwardly, silently, as deep as you've ever been, what you see your life being. Or becoming. Picture where and how you would live, what you wear and eat and think and do for a living. What is your recreation and what would give you satisfaction if you were alone, not in a relationship? Where does Jolie want to be?

    You are speaking truths now. If you submerge below the duck weed yet again, I'll still see bubbles from your snorkel and you will see, through the lens of your mask. You have an environment you have created with TJ. You can be happy for bits in this environment.

    I recall my crazy husband. He tried to throw my baby off his lambswool onto a neighbor's roof when Josh was less than three months old. I had to beg for his life. TJ is not my ex. It is just one moment of three boys and their raising I recall. I am still paying and so are they for having a crazy father.

    Do I regret? Sometimes. Mostly I stick strongly by "every moment is in divine order" and believe that fervently.

    You have choices. You are still young, early thirties, the most pivotal decade of your life. The one that fixes you more than your birth stars. Do the right thing for your Self, luv. Do the right thing for yourself. Don't be afraid. Be a lioness. Be Jolie. Be you.

    Sing at the top of your lungs. Claim it all. All of life. All of goodness. Why stick to a matrix or pattern you know is in place from DNA and experience, growing up, with loss of love. Loss of his life.

    Tear like a lioness jumping through a paper hoop on fire, at a circus. Jump into wholeness and wellness. Drop all that is stale and uneccesary, if you have truly learned the lessons.

    The only clue I can give you is to be free. Not being free to co create what you envision, with God, is unnecessary. I certainly deeply know what not being free to be one's self feels like. And maybe being free is the most important thing for me, and maybe something else is North on your compass.

    Being encumbered, unable to express all aspects of myself, makes me ill. Soul sick.

    Claim whatever Jolie wants and drop limiting thoughts, even those on a subconscious level.
    I am in your life for reasons and now I think my constant mantra of "do your art sing dance bellow bawl perform create BE you w perfect pitch" IS the reason I am in your life. I am not saying leave TJ to do this. It is all on the inner Jolie search that that will be decided.

    I think you are in your deepest center now and will see your past actions and interactions with amazement. Jake, the eastern European violinist, Dudley, Blake, see all the desire and hope and ideas we solidify and let that tear away like placenta tearning away and have New Life, without old overlay.

    I drew the four of swords for you ( rest after illness; retreat) and the High Priestess, which is Jolie in her exaltation, claiming all healing arts, that which is esoteric and arcane, and manifesting.

    When I asked if you would stay with TJ, I drew King of Pentacles. So deal with concepts of money and masculine money providing. And draw on your own inner masculine or just know from my life or anyone's that you will never fall off of the edge of the Universe. You are blessed with so many friends and family and the ability to make new friends anywhere and everywhere you go, when you are FREE to do so. Free in your mind and heart and soul. Not free from your partner, necessarily.

    I hope that you don't put on goggles and snorkle and go under the duck weed into the morass, again. You could live there forever and, maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing. For there is only being. But I vote for Jolie in the sky with diamonds and Jolie on the earth and Jolie in all the elements, free as the lightest sub atomic particle.

    Do you know the Higgs Boson recently discovered, called the God particle explains mass. It just IS, and it goes around like one walking in a field, and gains mass from everything it touches, and gains mass and gains mass and this explains the creation of mass= manifesting solid reality. You can choose to bump into anything and everything. You have great power. Great beauty. Great heart. Now is the time to look into the magic mirror of soul truths. Allow. Admit. Acknowledge Who You Are and let go of the past. It no longer binds you.
    Love,
    Christine
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