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  • So, here's the deal.

    They give you trouble, you send them to Susie-Q.

    Here's what you need for an iced espresso. (It is truly refreshing.)

    You need to tell them NOT to make you an iced espresso. Because they don't know how to make it. The wait person, does not, I assure you, know how to order it from the bar person. They will order an iced espresso, and trust Susie-Q, you do not want that. You want an iced espresso.

    I learned all about this, in a bar (not a coffee shop, or cafe, a bar.) A bar is a place where a coffee is a beverage not a testimonial or an artisanal ontology. A beverage you would like some time before your health insurance runs out.

    I was sitting in a dark bar in Barcelona, where coffee can be ordered as normally and usually as an on-tap brew or a Jameson's or something red aperitify and fizzy.

    I watched the bar man place two things in front of a customer who sitting up at the wooden bar counter: a quick and neat espresso in a small glass cup, and a second glass filled with ice. The coffee did not touch the ice, until the customer himself poured it. Eureka!

    So, on my return to North America, I creased and desisted from ordering iced espresso, which invariably came as some tall sop, some sodden fluid, well past the ice age, as it aged in time on the prep counter, as the coffee became pale and ever bitter as the iced warmed, and yecch.


    What you do is put on your most charming smile, and say: I'd like an espresso. (If you are in North America, you will have to specify, 'short.' Which to me is like needing to point out that, no, your size four Narrow foot does not actually, not today, not ever, need a triple E Wide size 12 shoe.)

    No: I'd love an espresso, you say. Oh, (ever so casually, so as not to disequilibriize the mood of the server), and Oh, could you be so kind, could you be a dear, and bring me on the side, a small glass with ice in it.

    You'd like an iced espresso, then, the server will say.

    No, no, no, you say (putting on your best insouciant devil-may-care but I do not jet-set lounging voice), no, no, no. An espresso. With a small glass of ice on the side.

    They give you any trouble, send them over to Sheriff Susie-Q.

    I'll be the one with the palomino at the hitching post and the double extra-short espresso just tickling the ice.

    Yeah, that's me.

    Me and Glenn Ford in the original "3:10 to Yuma."

    I'm sipping on my bean libation and Glenn Ford is telling me about the girl he met with the green eyes, and how he likes girls with green eyes, he's kind of got a kind of a thing for girls with green eyes, but as he looks into my eyes of blue, he says, But they don't have to be green.

    You remember, "3:10 to Yuma."----

    ----Where Glenn Ford is leaning on the bar with the barmaid Felicia Farr, making eyes, and back of them the sign reads, ESPRESSO TEN CENTS.----

    (Photo by Susan, this morning's iced espresso at home)
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