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  • I’m in Australia.
    I’m on a huge, magnificent island!
    I’m walking down Brisbane River, toward the city at night.
    Tucson can’t even compare to this.
    This should be the happiest time of my life. This is everything I ever sought after.
    But I can’t stop thinking about my pudgy stomach.
    It would be fine if it was just due to the jet lag and extra chocolate.
    But I keep thinking; I might be pregnant.
    My period has been late by one day, two days, two weeks..
    Being a girl sucks.
    I walk up to Story Bridge.
    There’s a sign at the end that reads “Who cares about you? We do! Call ########”
    Yeah right!
    Walking up the bridge, it doesn’t register my preoccupied mind for a few minutes that the sign is directed toward the bridge jumpers.
    I’m too busy with what-ifs.
    I reach for my stomach and hold it like I’m 6 months in.
    A tender, maternal impulse that I want so badly to shake away as a psycho imagination.
    I look down from the bridge, and see the roof of a building. Maybe if I jump I’ll survive, but the baby…by my own surprise I am flooded with selfish thoughts.
    If cells divided only once per day,
    On Day 1, my baby would be 1 cell
    Day 2, 2 cells
    4 cells
    8 cells
    64, 128, 256, 512, 1024…I can’t even calculate to Day 15
    It must be around 1 million cells by now
    At least 1 million. Probably closer to 1 billion.
    What the fuck is 1 million cells though?! The pupil in your eye? A piece of hair??
    A little squishy jellyfish, a little piece of pink flesh with no eyes or brain or spinal cord yet.
    Please be chocolate.
    By the time I’m done thinking this, I’ve reached the other end of the bridge, and the same sign is there.
    Maybe in a few desperate months I’ll call.
    Story bridge, story bridge, what a freaking story!
    I wonder about all of the cooler stories that have happened on this bridge.
    In two more weeks, my period will come and I will be relieved.
    Lucky break.
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