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  • Today, I had visited a house for some dinner with my aunts, uncles and grandparents. While eating, I got up to go into their backyard to pace around, recklessly. I then discovered a steel plate, covering a hole; from what my uncle told me, the hole was six feet wide, but about fourteen-hundred feet deep, ending at a rocky river. After staring at this hole for three minutes, I resumed pacing around, drifting into a depression. Demons roam around my head, day and night, of not being able to fit in with any crowd, no matter if common or uncommon interests; it’s like witnessing a threatening murder. Everything I try to do only impresses my family, but is always second-guessed by my college acquaintances. I honestly think I’ve reached the limit with trying to look impressive, in public. As I look at this dangerous hole in this backyard, I begin to grab a piece of notepad paper and pen out of my pocket, and I start writing a note:

    On the outside of my body, I look perfectly fine.
    But on the inside of my body, I feel pain inside.
    Twenty-seven of my twenty-seven years of living, I’ve felt like I wanted to cry.
    The 27 Club is my destination; I feel like I’m ready to die.
    Life’s hard when your voice weighs zero, lacking a vocal drive.
    This hole lies my road to Heaven; eyes closed, I’m entering blind.
    I’ve done my job; lived through personal crimes.
    That’s all I could do; I’ll see you in time.

    As I place the note underneath the right side of the steel plate, I lift the left side of the steel plate, and begin to move my feet closer to the hole. (Lifted gate sound) (Sigh) Here’s to a vocal-less life… (Gate slam sound) (Wind sounds) (Splash) (Crack)

    My soul lies here, with the Lord, where he is accepting my lack of communication. Here in Heaven, I’m in a class with others from all over the world, who deal with neglection, crying on the inside for communication. I have to admit, there’s as much peace up here as I ever need, like a spoon resting in holy water, not making a single move. I know my family is bleeding with agony, but even though I was never respected by my peers, I wonder if any of them are wondering about the choice I made. (Sigh) Suicide is the best side.
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