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  • I sometimes wonder about the disorder and difficulties I bring into my life, like intentional noise.

    Like added confusion. Like entanglements I have to fight my way out of.

    You can look at the marks your life makes and see scuffs and collisions. Or you can look at the marks your life makes and see beautiful, wayward adventures. Tire treads or bird flight, just depends on your perspective and mood.

    There is always a less convoluted, less risky path to take, but isn’t that what we do all the time, look for the easy way, and where does it get us. The same places. Where I don’t want to be.

    In this world, which tries to lock us down, limit us to what has been done before, to the safe, the efficient, the profitable and the known, we are surrounded by party killers, dream destroyers: the righteous and the dull. The pressure of impending war, ecological devastation and burnt-out credit cards keeps us on our toes, keeps us stressed and edgy. We are not meant to be enjoying ourselves. We are meant to be getting on with the whole fucking show, trudging forward.

    Also fortunately: in this world, amongst this procession of convention and normality, you can find egomaniacs and neurotics, sadists and heroes, creeps, perverts, prophets and religious psychopaths. In the cracks, away from the light. Making things more lively.

    These days, anything that helps you step aside from the predictable and neat, isn’t that worth trying?

    What we have to put up with and get through, just to stagger from day to day with some kind of pride, without falling apart, without giving up. What trips us up, drags us down is rarely epic, but tawdry and mundane. Avoiding all that keeps me afloat.

    Finding beauty and laughter when it’s so easy to see boredom and disappointment. Seeing bird flight not car crashes. That’s some kind of talent. That’s worth having.
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