Just a few moments ago, I saw her for the first time - the woman who I've thought about almost every single day for the last four and a half years. The woman who I have created and recreated in my head a thousand times. The woman who carried my daughter for nine months - the woman who gave me my baby.
I hadn't thought much about the reaction I would have when the day came that I saw her face...that she truly became real. And now that I am have her picture; I can't stop looking at her. I am analyzing every feature in her face, every inch of her body. I am comforted by her similarities to my daughter, and comforted too by their differences. I wonder what she is thinking in the picture. I wonder if she thinks about me.
I thought I might be jealous. I thought I might look at her with some feeling of envy because there are things that she has given my daughter that I can never give her - her eyes, her mouth, her nose...the shape of her face. But I don't feel any of that...just peace...thankfulness. Because there are pieces of my daughter that I have given her, that no one else could - her sense of self, her sense of humor, her memories, her sister, her family.
Me and this woman in the picture share something so amazing - so impossible to comprehend. Without ever meeting, together, we created a life.