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  • The thing is, I want this to work out. I think there is a balance to be struck and I'm willing to put in the effort to find it. Besides, I totally have a weakness for the big eared and a soft-spot for dark beady eyes. I don't feel a sense of dominance over the world simply because evolution gifted me with this big brain and thereby an understanding of, say, capitalism. This brain is a burden, an absolute burden. Feeding it, making sure it gets a debatable requisite number of hours of sleep-- not too little, but not too much! Either way you're screwed! Making it happy-- psshhtt, forget about it. No one can even define happiness, let alone find it. Booze, drugs, blissed-out on love, television, consuming large amounts of fat and still this enormous cranial weight wants more. Of something. Anything. Burden I tell you, this big brain is a burden.

    What? No. No, that's ridiculous. Being bi-pedal has nothing to do with this.

    The thing is, when I'm working during the day I really need it quiet. Like, dead silent quiet. I get that you have to put up with the constant tap, tap, tapping on my computer keyboard for hours straight, but when I pause to edit some section of prose and you start tap, tap, tapping, well all my focus goes to hell. It just doesn't work for me. Yes, I know you have a family to feed and a house to upkeep, I completely get that. I respect that. Think about it from my side, if I don't produce, I don't eat. If I don't eat, you go hungry, your babies starve and so the slippery slope begins. You following me here?

    I think we could make this situation work for us both. I'll do my tapping from say 7 a.m. to like 10 or so p.m. with some deviations outside of these hours on some days, and you, you can start your tapping when I fall into stage 4, maybe 3, of REM sleep.


    Hell, throw raging parties, invite all your friends! Please note though there are a few plants that can't hold the weight of some as ya'll discovered last summer when an unfortunate fatality resulted. Let's try to avoid another mishap of that ilk, K?

    If you're good with this, I am.

    Oh, and, remember to stay off the counters and out of the cabinets. If I catch sign of you or your kind in those parts: trap lines. Plain and simple. I'm not above it and you know it. It happened last year, it could happen again. Don't push me, don't challenge me or its snap traps for all you all. Hear me? Good.

    Wow, talking this out was great. Totally psyched for this summer and sharing the house with you and yours!
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