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  • Dear one,

    I've been contemplating writing this for a few weeks, only I was going to do it old school, privately with pen, paper, stamps, the works. But you presented an opportunity so I will accept. Also I don't know your address...
    First of all, message received. Thank you.
    Secondly, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry.
    The unfairness, the blame, the coldness and bitterness I have thrown your way this year have not been deserved. I'm as much to blame as anyone. You hurt me deeply, but I hurt you too, and for that I apologize. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but always expected you to be there for me. I'm sorry I lost all perspective. I'm sorry for beating you over the head with my feelings. I'm sorry that the very nature of our relationship has prevented us from being the friends we wanted to be for each other. You speak of shoulders. Mine were never there when you needed them. I was conveniently absent in your moments of pain, and sometimes I was even the cause. I can't forgive myself for that. This electronic response is not nearly enough to repair the damage that has been done over the past months, but I hope it is a start.
    We were once great friends, but a while ago we lost touch with the essence of that friendship and things have never been the same. I don't know if they ever can be. I do know that I miss you too. Your absence has left a gaping hole that I've been trying to fill, to no avail. How could I replace everything you've been to me? I can't.
    That being said, I don't know if I'm ready. Thank you for giving me the space I asked for. I needed time to learn more about myself, to understand what went wrong, and to figure out how to fix it. I want to do right by myself but I also want to do right by you and I can't do that until I learn to let go of certain things.
    I'm trying. I'm trying so hard and I've come a long way, but I still have a ways to go. I'm not sure what this means for the future. All I can say is, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry things have become so painfully complicated and I'm sorry that this has taken so long for me to say.
    Thank you for taking the first step. Here's to many more.

    -Rachel
    p.s.- I enjoy your metaphors
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