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  • This is the first summer since my mother died. I have noticed quite a few things about myself since then. Most obviously how much she is in me, how much I am like her in the common ways. But the most amazing consequence of my mother's death is the way I see my life, my place in the world, as if through my eyes alone for the first time. I find this so soothing. I have clarity that I never had before. I no longer judge the cleanliness of my house, the shape of my garden, the length of my hair, my wealth or lack of it; none of these things through her eyes. My mother lived with the false promise of perfection all of her days. She felt that if if she only did things right she would be loved and by extension, nothing bad would happen to her. And strangely I feel as if this burden I have been carrying for her was lifted by her, her last gift to me. I look at my house, my husband, my garden, myself with kindness, love, even simply with love for the first time.
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