On December 31, 2011 at precisely noon, I had sworn to myself that I would not cry a single time during the coming year.
Today I broke that promise.
I went to yoga class. What I like about it is that sometimes it really calms my mind. It provides these moments that are entirely all about the present. No analyzing the past, no trying to disentangle all the possible future options.
The goal is to let go, of negative thoughts and feelings, preoccupations and things you're stuck in.
And this is not always a good thing. Relaxation has its place. But sometimes iron-clad control is necessary, I think.
Today I had let down my guard too much. I did well for about an hour. But in the last moments of stretching out, all of the the thoughts, anxious concerns, disappointment and anger I had been fending off successfully rushed in at once.
My teacher noticed of course, and during the final resting pose she came to put lavender oil on my temples and massage my neck.
I was really embarrassed and went to apologize afterwards. She told me that it was ok, and that she herself had burst into tears during class many times.