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  • I was pretty happy. After 2 years of really trying, I had carved out a comfortable life for myself. I was in a job I felt fit me well, getting out and meeting people, traveling. But if I was completely honest with myself, I wasn't where I felt I really needed to be. All around me were stories of people pursuing their deepest passions and moving forward courageously and unapologetically.

    "Unapologetically," that's always been my biggest barrier to not making this step before now, the fact that I felt my dream was too selfish to be worthwhile. Every time I was asked the question, "If you could be doing ANYTHING, what would it be?" I didn't have to think about it for even a tiny second...I knew I would be acting, but instead I'd give a more thoughtful answer. I'd say something like teaching English in Cambodia or working in a Broooklyn after school program--both of which I would truly love doing but neither of which were my "anything". But after years of slightly ignoring my inner self and desires the lyproject gave me the permission I needed to take to the risk I never thought I would.

    Failing is never easy but the chance of failing at what you want more than anything takes "fear" to another level. For when you fail at what you want more than anything you risk feeling like you failed at being yourself. In these cases, it's almost easier to not even try. So those were my excuses.

    Fear of failure.
    Fear of insignificance.

    But not anymore.

    That is what has held me back from doing what I'm doing today, in this moment: uprooting my life, my career, my sense of success and significance and planting myself on a completely unknown path. A path on which the only thing I can be certain of is that to be on it is both risky and exactly where I want to be. I have no idea where it will eventually lead but I do know that by attempting to follow my deepest passion-acting-I will be impacted by the freedom that will accompany this move. To take a risk is to be free of the fear, of the "what if"'s that so often tie our minds, bodies and spirits to a less than reality. This is not to say there is no place for fear, but it should never be what restrains you from listening to where you are telling you to go.

    So, I packed up my apartment, said my goodbyes, allowed my tears to fall as freely as they wanted and took only what will fit into my small car. I'm Los Angeles bound to place where girls like me are in every cafe, bar & shop in town. But this is not about them or any of the other factors working against me, this is about saying "Yes" to what I would do if I could do...anything.
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